Great White Snark: January 2010

Friday, January 29, 2010

Thursday, January 28, 2010

{Header not finalized...this is just what I managed to decide on today.}

One of the things that inspired me to start blogging was the myriad of amazing fashion blogs out there (if you're at all interested, hit me up and I'll give you my list of favies). There is some wild stuff going on in fashion right now, and fashion blogging is becoming an industry in its own right. I'm not doing this as a job, but rather because I LOVE fashion and want to share my thoughts, inspirations, and scores with you.

One of the thing that most angers me about fashion blogs are these blogs touting "affordable" options when the outfit totals run upwards of $300. Pardon me, but for some of us, that just isn't affordable. I'm still working on this aspect, but hopefully in the near future I'll be able to post some outfits of mine built up of pieces that REAL people can actually afford.

Long introduction, BLAH BLAH BLAH.

I wanted to start this off with a post about Chanel Jade nail polish. It sauntered its way down the Chanel Fall 2009 runway show and into the ravenous consciousnesses of fashion stalkers everywhere. The shade was primarily developed strictly for the runway show, which featured revamped classic Chanel tweed pieces in the same shade of jade. But women were so adamant about owning that piece of green glory that Lagerfeld finally gave the "okay" to market it. And it ROCKETED. I kid you not, there is a bottle selling on E-bay as of posting time for $113. Women are PASSIONATE about having this one-of-a-kind shade.

Which is where I step in to tell you I found an alternative for $3.50.

I was recently in Charlotte Russe doing some shopping for a friend's gift when I noticed some nail polish up by the register. And it was the closest I've seen out there to the Chanel Jade, and I've been keeping my eyes peeled for quite some time. I decided, "Eh, at $3.50 I can afford to try it." I did. Results below.

(So what if my pic isn't as high quality as theirs?) This is with two coats. Probably another one or two would increase the opaquity and bring it even closer to the original Jade. What stuck out to me the most about this polish is that it has the same ever-so-slight shimmer as Chanel's. The fact of the matter is, the polish is extremely similar and a fraction of the price. Charlotte Russe no longer carries it on their website, but if Chanel Jade is something that's been on your wish-list, then it'd be worth it to go to the nearest mall and see if they have any in stock. CR doesn't name their nail polishes but on the bottle it's called JDE.NAIL.CLR. Clearly they were on to something in naming and creating it, and thus far, I have yet to discover a better substitute.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

"Genius is born--not paid."

I'd just like you to know, bloggity blogworld, that Oscar Wilde is the man. And he speaks the truth. Even though he was imprisoned and sentenced to hard labor for being gay.

You've gotta love students. Not your elementary and high school students. Your deep-thinking, tormented, over-thoughtful, gluttons-for-torture college students. You have to love the way they over-analyze even the most mundane points of a story. Granted, this may just be something that is singular to certain areas of study (anything, literature, PHILOSOPHY...God, I hate the philosophy majors. I want to do violent things to them when they question every statement I make. "And what do you mean by 'fan?' As in, fanatic or fanaticism?" Good God, man, aren't they same??). Being (for all intents and purposes) a literature major, it's my job to read in between the lines and find symbolism and meaning where there probably isn't any. Do I think that the aliens in "Alien" were simultaneously symbolic of drag queens and vaginas? No, not really. Do I buy that H.G. Well's portrayal of aliens is a distorted reflection on humanity? Yeah, I can buy that, because the point can be well-proved. But you have to love the kids who question, very deeply mind you, the motivation of what drives a minor character to enter a carriage.

I wish I had made that last sentence up. I quote it to you verbatim. "What is her motivation to enter the carriage?" Gee, I don't know, TRYING TO GET SOMEPLACE??? She wasn't a major character AT ALL so it likely doesn't matter. Keep your hand down, your mouth shut, and your mind someplace useful. Throwing around words like "hubris," "heteroblastic" and "alterity" does not automatically make you smart. Nor does bringing the all-present "consumerist driven society" into every discussion. Buying stuff is bad. And we're all whores for doing it. We get it. Thank you for your riveting input.

However, I do have to say that I find it highly interesting that women were discouraged from an education in the Victorian era because it was thought that the blood would be sent to the brain to help them start thinking and working things out for themselves. Therefore blood would NOT be present in...other places. So people back then literally thought that either women's baby-makers would get all dusty and useless with an education, or that they'd go about willy-nilly in Tiger Woods-esque sexcapades.

Luckily for women and Oscar Wilde, we've come a long way since then.

But it has absolutely nothing to do with you "deep" thinking vocabulary-spewing students. So take your alterity and go home.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Sweet dreams are made of these.

Hey there, bloggity blogworld.

Recently, I have been been indulging in a very sick and vivid fantasy. Hang on to your purity rings, kids.

This little fantasy of mine begins with me driving down the road on my way home from work or school, probably singing lousily to pop music (indulging another fantasy WITHIN a fantasy...I told you this was sick) as I am wont to do when driving. So I'm just minding my own business, and the roads are pretty clear (because minimal traffic in Orlando is CLEARLY the stuff of fantasies. If I can't have it in real life, it's happening in my daydreams, dammit!). Just la la...and then, a ways up ahead on the side of the road I spot something. Why, it looks like an animal. I slow down a bit and as I get closer I realize that it is INDEED an animal. And a really cute one. With a limp. I slow down and pull over and get out to inspect said animal and it turns out to be an Old English Bulldog with a hurt paw. I am overwhelmed with the cuteness and sympathy for the situation and upon realizing the dog is both friendly and rabies-free, I do my best to either lift it (if it's not too heavy, but those suckers can weigh a lot) or assist it back to my car, and I put it in the front seat. Right next to me. Where Sassy used to sit. Only she's not upset about this at all, because she knows I take good care of injured animals. ANYWAY.

Since I'm close to home I decide to go there (for those of my local readers, I imagine this taking place on Chapman Road, which has both good grassy side parts for the dog to walk on and close proximity to my home). And I get out and bring it in and Millie and ChiChi are like, "Whoa, wtf?" and my mom is all aww-ing over it. So we take it to the vet to get it checked out. And he tells us that he seems healthy apart from the injured paw (I haven't decided yet if this is like the old "thorn in the paw" trick or a hurt bone or tendon. IT DOESN'T MATTER. I just love coddling hurt animals), and seems to be about 3-4 years old. We bring him home to care for him and decide that we should probably put out "FOUND DOG" signs, just in case this is someone's dog. Besides, if someone had found Sassy I would've wanted them to at least make an effort.

So for one week I am incredibly hesitant about getting close to the dog. I just change its bandages and feed it and don't cuddle it even though I want to really really bad. And I probably cry a lot during this week. And nobody responds to the "FOUND DOG" posters and adverts. Enter week two of trying to find its home. Nobody responds. I'm starting to get hopeful at this point, because the dog is so sweet and nice and potty-trained (this is MY fantasy, okay?) and gets along with Millie and Cheech. And so then FINALLY it ends up that no one responds and I can keep him. And I name him either Shakespeare or Jasper (because "Jazz/Jazzy" is the CUTEST nickname EVER). And he sleeps in my room, on the floor so as not to messy my sheets, and we live happily ever after.

This is my deep and sordid fantasy. The purity ring comment was clearly a joke.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Introductions are in order.

Hey there bloggity blogworld.

I finally decided maybe I should try my hand at this. The primary reason I haven't done so yet is because frankly, I fail to see why anyone would care to read about what I've got to say. The secondary reason of my hesitation is that I am terribly opinionated and have had, in the past, blogs accessible to the select few who won't be offended by my spewing of hatred and malice. And snark. And my tertiary (I just wanted an excuse to use that word, honestly) excuse is because I am quite prone to wild mood swings. One day I want to try and get as disgustingly, whorishly famous as possible just like everyone else. The next I wish that everyone would just entirely forget I ever existed, including people who read my blog. So I'm concerned that I'll fall into one of these moods and just stop updating for like, three months and then all of a sudden I'll start writing again once I've already gone and lost my readership. Alas, that's just something I'll have to deal with. :)

Note to the readers: despite its name, this is not a humor blog. If you're looking for a page full of ha-ha-ha's, this is probably not going to be it. Mostly I'll just whine here, as whining is one of my favorite passtimes. If you're looking for something funny and amusing try failblog or YTMND or something.

Another note to the readers: You can feed my fishies on the right-hand side of the page. Just click your mouse in their water and a feeding frenzy will begin. Oh, internets...what WILL you think of next?

I thought I'd start this post off with a list of some of my favorite book and film introductions. Certainly not all of them, but these are the ones I could think of right off the top of my head.

-"I'm Chuck Bass."
-"My name is Sherlock Holmes. It is my business to know what other people don't know."
-"The name's Bond. James Bond."
-"Son, I'm Captain Jack Sparrow. Savvy?"
-"I am C-3PO, human-cyborg relations, and this is my counterpart, R2-D2."
-"Han Solo. I'm captain of the Millennium Falcon."
-"My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
-Entire song of "This is Halloween." Particularly, "I am the 'who' when you call 'who's there?'"
-"Caterpillar: Who are YOU?
Alice: This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. I -- I hardly know, sir, just at present -- at least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then."
-"Hi, Christopher. I'm Nero."
-"Geoffrey Chaucer's the name, writing's the game. You've probably read my book? the Book of the Duchess? No? Well, it was allegorical."

There. That's 11. Do you have a favorite introductory line? I know I'm gonna hit "PUBLISH POST" and then think of like five more that I like better. Alas.

Hope you enjoy my ramblings here! Keep checking back!