Great White Snark: July 2010

Friday, July 30, 2010

I only kiss your shadow, I cannot feel your hand. You're a stranger now unto me.

It's been a while since I've done this! The good side to that being that I have accumulated a somewhat sufficient list of things to keep you occupied this weekend!

-Reasons why Forever 21 is good at deceiving you into thinking you look amazing in their clothes. TRICKERY AND DECEIT, says I!

-If you're a voyeur like me, you'll greatly enjoy this peek into other people's bags, purses, backpacks and pockets.

-Six Ways to Make Every Day the Happiest: self-explanatory.

-An amazing spoof on the Sherlock Holmes movie script.

-A study shows that real life deep conversation makes us happier. Wut talkin liek dis dsnt do teh sme ting lulz????

-Ancient graffiti from Pompeii, including such riveting statements as, "On April 19th, I made bread," and "Weep, you girls. My penis has given you up. Now it penetrates men’s behinds. Goodbye, wondrous femininity!"

-NERD ALERT: I want this and this for back to school.

-And finally, you all know that I love Mary Poppins and the idea of jumping into chalk drawings. Turns out this may be more realistic that I originally anticipated...

Have a lovely weekend, Dearest Readers!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

MS Paint is my new BFF!

I drew this for a friend but thought I'd share it with you, too:
Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Apparently, in my mind, Bixby's tail is also the mountain from "Nightmare Before Christmas."

GET IT?? They're playing Sherman Holmes and Bixwatson!

I need a new hobby.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

I made a picture!

I feel like, if he could, Bixby would spend his entire life perched atop my head.

I also heard that George Lucas modelled the Ewoks after pugs.

While I don't see the resemblance, I do think that the Ewok Theme fits Bixby quite well. So does the Jawa theme.

If you know what I'm talking about, Hi. Welcome to having no life. *_~

In other news, I went to the doctor today and my foot isn't any worse. But it isn't any better. So I think I'm going to need to quit work. Being on my feet all the time does not allow for the bone to heal. In the x-rays (I SHOULD UPLOAD THOSE OMG), you can see that the bones are trying to heal but aren't getting ample opportunity to do so. This makes me angry. I didn't save up nearly as much as I'd hoped. Oh well. I suppose all things happen for a reason. Besides which, learning to say "no" for my own sake and learning how to be dependent and stop with my Superwoman Mentality are always things I need more practice with.

I dislike being so self-aware. Alas.

I'm trying to come up with a little mini-vacation plan before school starts which at this point entails me going down to Fort Myers with Bethany. I hope it works out! I also hope my foot gets better before school starts (the doctor said it will probably take about 12 weeks though...blah!), especially because this was the first year I was able to get into the much-desired ballroom dancing class. And dancing will be difficult with a broken foot. FIGURES.

I'm also dreading the holidays already. Don't ask me why--I just hate the Christmas season. I realize how Scroogey/Grinchy that sounds. I just get really depressed and feel like I'm being pulled in too many directions. I'm formulating multiple plans of escape for the month of December, probably none of which will work because of familial obligations. But still. One of them involves just spending the entire holiday season volunteering to bring it to other people who actually want it. I like this plan, since I think that kind of encapsulates what Christmas is supposed to be all about. Also since "crawl into a hole until February" is not healthy nor feasible.

Otherwise, things are the same here with me. When I'm not at work, I'm watching birds, the internet and reading. The same things I always do. And I'm happy to do them. :)

Saturday, July 24, 2010

I'm just a victim of circumstance.

When I've had an utterly craptastic day, nothing makes me feel a little better than Joan Jett. This song especially. I like to imagine her, eyeliner, raspy voice, smelling of cigarettes and leather, singing this to me personally. Just giving me a little reminder to take a rest, then kick the world's ass when it tries to kick mine. :)

Everything popular is wrong.

I feel like this more often than not. Especially at work and school. Except that I love lame TV shows and "CGI shitfests." But at least I don't pretend the Tyra Banks Show is QUALITY TV. I know it's not. I just love it anyway. :)

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Dinner with the Snarks.

Lol, this totally happened at dinner tonight. Michael and I still aren't sure whether he meant Michael or the Girlfriend was the idiot. Regardless. It made us laugh.

Btw, my Dad says stuff and doesn't mean like, 98% of it. The apple doesn't fall far...

So, let's see. What else is new? Working a lot. I had a lovely day off today and saw a movie with my Mom and got the rooms all in order again.

I realize that I talk a lot about cleaning. This is because while I enjoy ordered chaos (take a look at my bookshelf: books, CD's, an Edgar Allan Poe mug, random historical documents, some bud vases made out of test tubes, various hand-made presents, antique silver I've thrifted...but see, this is OKAY), mess bothers me. Like, I don't like it when I see Sherman's food flung around my study. Or when I shed like a dog and find hair on the floor. Or when I forget to do laundry for like a week and a half and my hamper is suddenly as tall as I am. I despise this. So I must clean it. And I dust everything. I loathe dust. It is my nemesis. So this is what I did today, and now everything feels good again.

Oh, I also managed to procure a needle-less syringe to complete the task of transferring my perfume.

Here's the deal.

When I was in St. Thomas, I found some incredible French perfume that I've heard of but have never been able to find in the States (or at least in Florida...I make it sound like I'm well-traveled. JOKE.). And it was laughably cheap. So I got it, but it came in these, albeit pretty, IMPOSSIBLE little bottles. First of all, you can't even open them. And once you do manage to open it, you have to like, tip it all over the place to get any out. I LITERALLY held them completely upside down, and NOTHING came out. It was like anti-gravity perfume (HOW COOL WOULD THAT BE?!?). Clearly, this isn't going to work if I want to wear it.

I had in my possession a number of sample-size perfume atomizers from my own experiments with fragrance, and my idea was "Why not transfer nice perfume into these so I can actually, y'know, WEAR IT??"

Easier thought than done.

When the perfume does not simply POUR from one bottle to the other, it's nearly impossible to get it out of a comically small bottle. And I mean, those of you who know me know I have MINUTE hands. And I thought they were small. So my next thought was that I needed a pipet or a syringe to get them from A to B. Only problem is holding a syringe makes me want to throw up. I abhor them. I am literally getting light-headed typing this as I imagine myself holding a needle. NO CAN DO. So a pipet was next.

Well, I searched in the UCF bookstore in the science section, neighboring university shops, hobby shops, pharmacies, etc. for a dissection kit or a pipet. NO LUCK.

After many unsuccessful attempts with the likes of this thing, Michael happened across a needle-less syringe, and I managed to successfully transfer my perfumes into usable bottles.

It made me feel so smart. Like I was doing science.
Science Pictures, Images and Photos

Anyway, here are the promo pics of the perfume I worked so hard to get just right.

See why I was so insistent to use them? ;)

Anyway. That's what I did today. I'm kind of getting exciting about school starting even though I know when I'm hobbling around campus in 104 degree heat trying to find time to write six papers at once, I will be cursing my existence (yeah, it doesn't look like the hideous cast will be off before school. Blast! I need to upload pics so you can see how I look like a Cyborg, lol). Still. As of right now it's something to look forward to.

What are you excited about right now, Dear Readers?

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Tearing down windows and doors and I could not find eyes like yours.

I think Shakira is utterly silly even if she does have awesome hair.

However. Her music always puts me in a good mood (probably because I'm halfway laughing at her) and it totally makes me want to dance.

My Picks:

~"Hips Don't Lie": An obvious one. (SHAKIRA SHAKIRA!)
~"She Wolf": I love the disco vibe.
~"Gypsy": This is just a cute song.
~"Eyes Like Yours": I can't stop listening to this song! It used to be my fav one to dance to during Zumba (pre-footfail).

Enjoy my guilty pleasure, Dear Readers. :D

Monday, July 19, 2010

In restless dreams I walked along narrow streets of cobbled stone.


I want to be here so badly sometimes it physically hurts. I dream about London sometimes so vividly; I check the street names and locations on maps and find out I knew where I was going subconsciously. I know my way around a city across an ocean that I've never been to better than the one I've lived in for 20 years.

And it creeps me out and makes me feel awesome all at the same time.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

It's going down---basement. Friday the 13th and guess who's playing Jason?

A part of me died today when I saw this on Yahoo Answers:

"Revenge of the Sith was awesome, and ended on such a cliffhanger! Who would of thought anakin would turn bad? These three movies are my favorite, and I think they could totally do a sequel! I mean Yoda and Ben are still alive, they gotta take Anakin down! Does anybody have any idea if they're making a sequel to episode 3, and if so when does it come out!??"


To sum it up:

Also, did you know that it is impossible to buy pre-made pink lemonade in Albertson's? All you can get is the powder that you mix up with water. You can't buy it already made in a carton. SAD DAY. In my limited experience, people prefer pink lemonade. I have never known someone to deny a cup full of pink in deference to a cup full of yellow. I think there's an inherent preference among humans to avoid drinking yellow stuff. That just makes sense. Alas. You can't buy it at Albertson's, even if they are open 24 hours a day.

Dont' worry, Yellow Lemonade. We still love you.

And finally, Gentlemen Readers, answer me this: do all men shop like the store is their closet? Our men's section is a constant disaster area. I keep expecting FEMA to drop out of the celing in choppers to deliver aid or something, it's THAT messy. Why do men think that I will be following them around cleaning up after them? I am not their mother. Or their wife. Do you shop so messily? If you do, CUT IT OUT. It's obnoxious, and we DO talk about you once you leave. This applies to the ladies as well. :)

Have a lovely weekend, Dearest Readers! :D

Monday, July 12, 2010

I'm bothered.

"Robert is Bothered" is the best late night bit I've seen in forever. Especially when Rob Pattinson himself makes an appearance and is bothered by Jimmy Fallon playing him being bothered.


Well, I was in the bookstore the other day and I had the heinous misfortune of seeing the following, and I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs in Fallon's crummy Queen's English, "I'M BOTHERED."

And this one's the last straw:


This is so ridiculous. I mean. I guess I can't be all angry, because Twilight did mention all three books by name and led otherwise literarily deprived young women to read these awesome books. BUT RE-COVERING THEM TO LOOK LIKE TWILIGHT?!?




So, here's the deal. I liked the Twilight series. But I love these books even more. And it really BOTHERS ME that publishers figured, "Why yes, if we re-cover them using flowers and ribbons in a black, white and red theme, CLEARLY they will sell better." I feel like this cheapens the integrity of the words INSIDE the cover. Because Pride and Prejudice and Wuthering Heights both vie for my all time favorite book. I guess this just made me sad that people won't even consider reading the classics unless it's revamped (no pun intended) to be rife with pop culture.

/end rant.

In other news, I think my foot is getting worse. Furthermore, my other foot is starting to hurt now, too, because I'm favoring it.

I am blaming ALL OF THIS on my lactose intolerance. If I could drink a glass of milk every single morning like I WANT TO, I wouldn't have such crummy bones. And feet.

Anyway, now I'm super paranoid that I'm going to cause a stress fracture in the other foot, and I super don't want TWO messed up feet. This of course can be remedied if I like, stopped working. Which I don't want to do. But I think I may have to talk to them about my hours and stuff, because I really don't want to be in a cast once school starts.

Also depressing: the only thing I can wear with the hideous walking boot are long dresses and peasant skirts. I perpetually look like pregnant Gwen Stefani or a crazy religious fanatic, like the Duggar family. I know they're unflattering for me. But what am I supposed to do? Wear skinny jeans and tuck them into the boot? Not so much.

Needless to say, I'm a little frustrated about the whole thing.

Okay, now /end rant.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Nerd girl, I don't deserve you, I don't get the references you refer to.

So I went to the doctor and it's official: my foot is fractured in two places. Not entirely sure HOW it happened, but I'm telling everyone it's kickboxing, because in my limited repertoire of potential excuses, that one just sounds the best.

"I was saving these old people from drowning in a whirlpool at the beach, and there was a water cyclone and everything, and then this SHARK came out of nowhere and BIT ME and broke my foot. And then I saved everyone, ISN'T THAT AWESOME?"

I wish.

I'm kind of bummed because now I have this massive walking boot and it looks like a stormtrooper.

...I'm also kind of excited, because I have this massive walking boot and it looks like a stormtrooper.

Whatever, Yoda is awesome and you're just jealous.

Anyway, I should probably not whine about it too much since it's going to make my foot stop hurting. It's been sore for almost two months now and frankly, I'm a little tired of it.

And I may or may not have ordered Chanel logo stickers to vamp it up a bit.

That's all here, except my exciting flu/virus/bug thing is hanging on, and I slept like a million hours today in addition to making doctor's visits. It's EXCITING. -_-

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

I can't go out. *cough cough* I'm sick.


This may well be my favorite movie line of all time. DON'T JUDGE. IT'S NOT CONFESSION TIME RIGHT NOW.

So last night was HIDEOUS. I felt terrible at work (not something I recommend doing. Ever.) and ended up vomitting like that girl from "The Exorcist" all over the back room.

Needless to say, I think I have the flu.

So last night, as I feverishly followed Winkin, Blinkin and Nod, I made a list of things that were going through my mind, because I knew they'd be a hoot in the morning light.

Oh, Subconcious, you never fail to disturb amuse me.

-I think the main reason I so disliked Seinfeld at first is because the show is so dark. Not thematically, but like, lighting-wise. Some of the earlier seasons just look SKETCHY. We're very used to pretty lights (think the Apple Store, or the new Star Trek), and Seinfeld's apartment is just plain DINGY. I can't appreciate humor when I'm wondering if a $10 hooker is gonna show up from the back room.

^^Exhibit A of our affinity for brightly lit places. Captain Kirk cannot do SCIENCY AWESOME STUFF in the dark, you guys.

-Speaking of Seinfeld, what did they do with his apartment set after the show finished? Where is it? Did they dismantle it? Auction it off? Is it sitting in a backlot in Hollywood someplace? Is it in a museum?

-Also speaking of Seinfeld, I am very disturbed by all the "new" sitcoms coming to the CW this fall. If they Conan Seinfeld, I will Chris Brown the CW.

-This was not on my list, but I miss Conan. A lot. And now he has a show ON CABLE. THANKS, COCO.

-Also, OMG, STOP comparing Lindsay Lohan and Robert Downey Jr. I will scream if I hear this comparison made one more time. Okay, here's the thing. RDJ actually SERVED his time in prison. I'm betting LL will pull a Paris and spend like, 8 nights there. Then, when he got out, he STILL wasn't better. He had to get to that place HIMSELF. And that takes guts I just don't think Lindsay has. Not yet. She might get there, and I hope she does, because I do think she has a smidgen of talent. Not as much as the media says, but it IS there. And I don't want her to die or anything. Just...STOP, okay? It's not the same.

-What is "Despicable Me" about?? Why "despicable?" What's the plot? Who are the little yellow Mr. Blick's in goggles and overalls? Steve Carrell? WHAT IS THIS MOVIE ABOUT?!? WHAT!!!WHAT!!!!

-On a very serious note, all this oil spill stuff is making me SO angry. I can't even really get into it, because I think it'd be a whole other blog post. But it just makes me want to cry that the ILLUSTRIOUS powers that be are doing NOTHING to help this crisis. Because it IS a crisis. And it's global. For now, it's local. But do you REALLY think that if nothing is done, and that STUPID HOLE keeps chugging out THOUSANDS of barrells of oil a day that it ISN'T going to affect the global market eventually? NOT TO MENTION, Y'KNOW, THE OCEAN!??! It just really makes me angry. Maybe it's because I grew up 40 minutes away from the ocean in any direction, but I feel a really special connection to the seas and stuff, and I'm OUTRAGED that so little is being done. It's only a matter of time, guys, and WAY too much has been wasted already.

I'm looking up VALID ways to help out, and once I conclude my research, I'll post my findings here.

Sorry that ended on such a depressing note. Hmm. OH I KNOW. Here's a video I can't believe I wasn't aware of until I saw it on Jimmy Fallon last night.

THIS is one of those things I spent about 15 minutes SOLID cracking up over, and I don't think it will ever NOT be funny. Kinda like the Sneezing Panda. Ahh...laughter is the best medicine, you know.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Source for the above.

Source for the above.

I repeat this quote to myself when customers look at me like I am lower than dirt, or when they hand me clothes they want re-hanged even though my arms and hands are dripping with hangers, or when co-workers treat me like an ignorant child and scold me even though I'm about five years their senior and I've already DONE this work for two years.

Some blogs I recommend:

In other news, I broke my foot. This wouldn't be that big of a deal if I had an office job, but as it stands, I'm on my feet for 8-10 hours every day. It hurts. I'm going to the doctor on Thursday. I have no idea how I did it...I think it's just a stress fracture or something. La la la...

Not much else is new, really. Bix is doing well. Family is well. I'm well. It's all good. :)