Great White Snark: October 2010

Sunday, October 31, 2010

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!




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PARTY!!!
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^^ lol wut??
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Why yes, that would be a very young Stephen Fry doing a ridiculous dance with a very young Hugh Laurie looking on, unamused.
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And finally, my favorite and absolutely nonsensical:
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I hope you all had a wonderful, fantastically frightful and ghoulishly awesome Halloween. Thank you for your input and for putting up with 31 posts of Halloween silliness. *Whew!* I'm kind of glad that's all overwith.

HOWEVER! If you want, send me a link to you in your costume and with your permission, I'd love to put together a massive costume post.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN, dearest Readers!!!

Saturday, October 30, 2010

This might be indicative of a book addiction.




If I give you a book as a gift, chances are I read it prior to wrapping it up for you. I'm terribly sorry. It's technically not "used." I mean, I usually buy gift books new unless they're collectable or something. I just need to read them. I try to be careful not to muck up the pages or crease the spine, though. At least I'm cautious. And hey! This way if it sucks I won't give it to you. It's been screened already.

I'm terribly sorry, gift recipients. I hope you don't think less of my literary presents now.

Friday, October 29, 2010

The Master of Suspense


I couldn't, in good conscience, do a whole month of Halloween blog posts and NOT mention The King of Creepy Cinema, Alfred Hitchcock. Below are trailers for two of my favorites (through they're far less scary than "Psycho" or "The Birds." I don't like scary movies, remember??).


I love how Jimmy Stewart breaks down the 4th wall...IN A TRAILER. As cute and campy as it is, it really does nothing to tell you the plot of the story. So yeah, he's injured, and he spends the summer watching all of his neighbors out of boredom. Then he begins to notice some strange happenings: a missing dog, random plots of dug-up land, culminating with creeptacular behavior and a missing wife of one of his neighbors. Is something sinister really afoot, or is it just his bored imagination toying with him? Also, yes. You will want to look at Grace Kelly. Forever. She is impossibly beautiful.


This movie is so excellent. It has the kind of twisted details and cleverness that is so rare in today's cinema. There is so much happening that I really can't sum it all up without major spoilers. But if you love mystery/suspense, you can't afford NOT to watch this movie. According to legend, Hitchcock's commentary on the film was, "As you can see, the best way to do it is with scissors." That's some incentive right there. Also, GRACE KELLY (if you don't want her, you will want her clothes. FACT.).

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Pug off.


I absolutely cannot help but post pics of pugs dressed up. They are the most hideous little breed of dog out there, and this fact is exacerbated when they're bedecked in costume.







I have no idea what this one is supposed to be, but LOOK AT ITS FACE. AWWW!!!

Credit for above pics.



From Gala Darling's coverage of the Tompkins Square Park Halloween Dog Parade. SO CUTE.



And finally, I recently discovered the "Buzzkill" meme. Funny stuff.

Hope you're having a good week!

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

WTAF.


$A friend shared this with me a couple years ago. This is seriously the weirdest video ever made EVER.



I have no idea. I just felt obligated to share.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

"Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring." ~Marilyn Monroe






Hey! Time for a special Halloween edition of "Link Me Up!"

-Halloween.com seems like it'd be the obvious choice.

-Here are some REALLY bad Halloween jokes, for those of you who like that kind of thing. An example? "Why did the Headless Horseman go into business? To get a head in life."

*ba dum PSH!*

-This site consistently streams some pretty heinous Halloween songs, such as the perennial favorite, "I Want to Go Trick-or-Treating With You."

-Some cool images of a Victorian Halloween.

-For my fellow non-drinkers or people who don't want to get hammered on a school night, CollegeFashion offers 3 Alternative Ideas for Halloween.

-The History of Halloween, which has always interested me.

-I love looking through Halloween Flickr groups, such as this one.

-And finally, a spectacular list of Halloween superstitions. Apparently if you eat a ton of apples and hard-boiled eggs, walk backwards, steal every cabbage within a ten mile radius and look in your mirror at midnight, ALL of your wildest dreams will come true on Halloween. Who knew.


Enjoy!

Monday, October 25, 2010

I loves me some Tim Burton.











Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter in British Vogue 2008.















From Harper's Bazaar 2009. I love this spread because each pic has something representative of his films. Can you find them?

Sunday, October 24, 2010

"Or blow me a kiss, and that's lucky too."


"When there's hardly no day, and hardly no night
There's things half in shadow, and halfway in light.
On the rooftops of London, coo, what a sight."




I wish he existed in real life, heinous Cockney accent and all, because I think he'd be a pretty stellar friend.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

This is kind of the ultimate post for my Halloween thing.



One of my favorite things to do is make CD's. Mixed CD's are my love language. I especially like making themed or seasonal mixes, Halloween being, naturally, my favorite.

So, last year, I made this CD for my cousins, and wrote poems to accompany each of the songs. Granted, some of the poems are way less creepy than the music, but my cousins are younger and I didn't want to write something absolutely horrific. Actually, I don't write poetry that much any more. I used to. Now I just feel like it's a terribly cliched way of trying to express your feelings. That and if my friends knew how I really feel half the time, I'd have even less of them. Friends, not feelings.

END RANT. Anyway, here is the mix I made last Halloween, with a dark circus theme. Because everyone's secretly afraid of carnivals, right? ;)



The CD cover I made. :)

1. "Fear and Wonder," Dimmu Borgir


Intro
Get into your car.
A journey to make.
The sound of rain dripping might make you shake.
But don’t be afraid…you’re not going far,
You head to a place that’s fun and bizarre,
Do your best to ignore that creeping fear,
For closer to the Carnival you draw near…


2. "Intro," Korn


Step Right Up
Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls!
Step right up! Take a chance, take a twirl…
Here are wonders like Siamese Twins,
Calliopes, a fun house and strange things within.
Now, don’t be shy, don’t be afraid.
And don’t mind the ghosts in their masquerade.
Step right up, boys and girls!
Step
Right
Up.


3. "Calliope of Death," Lalo Schifrin


When the Carnival Comes to Town
There’ll be a number of countless thrills,
And here and there may be some chills,
But keep your eyes up, don’t look down,
When the Carnival comes to town.
It’s a place where your most twisted dreams,
Become reality amongst the screams,
Of delight and wonder, a show of amazement will be found,
When the Carnival comes to town.
The bones and laughter and candy treats,
At any other place simply can’t be beat,
You’ve never seen anything like our clowns,
Tonight you will, for the Carnival is in town.
So lose the fear-wide eyes and gloomy frown,
Squelch your fear, squash it down,
Too late to go back—best just stick around,
For the Carnival has come to town!


4. "Secret," The Pierces


Secrets of Siamese Twins
“Come one, come all!
See Catherine and Alison, our Spectacular Siamese Sisters with the Psychic Skill to Surmise your Secrets!”
Reads the sign.
No harm in that,
My secrets are benign.
The sisters sing and shivers creep,
As you promise all secrets from now on you’ll keep…
You leave after the song, and don’t want to see more,
Decide to see what else you’ll explore…


5. "Main Titles (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory)," Danny Elfman
(which they don't let you embed, so click here.)

Madame M. Mallory’s Mechanical Menagerie
Madame M. Mallory’s Mechanical Menagerie!
(Complete with Incredible Robotic Factory!)
You enter the factory, only to behold,
Metals of all colors, purples, blacks, silver and gold.
Springs and wheels and cogs and belts,
Whistle and whir and spin and smelt,
Making a plethora of little brass friends,
So many, too many, to comprehend!
Animals, plants, and other such creatures,
Stand all around with magnificent features.
Their tiny mechanical voices reach out to greet,
But it’s the maker that you’re really dying to meet.
She walks through the tour of her robotic city,
Not very old, not very tall, not very pretty,
But not as frightening as you might expect.
Purple coat, top hat and a vest that is checked,
And socks that are striped cover her feet,
A stranger person you’ll never meet.
First the idea of robot friends seems a fright,
But nothing to fear as you leave in delight.
“I’d like to work there, with her critters all metal and bright,”
You think to yourself as you wander the night.


6. "Candyman Theme," Philip Glass


Ferris Wheel, Ferris Wheel
Ferris Wheel, Ferris Wheel,
Go round and round,
Spin us up higher, high off the ground.
The full moon hangs big, close, and bright,
As we spin higher into the night.
Keep moving upwards, Ferris Wheel, Ferris Wheel,
And a kiss from the sky I may very well steal.


7. "Main Titles (Dead Silence)," Charlie Clouser


The Fun House
The ominous edifice of a Fun House!
What’s the worst that can happen, you think to yourself?
And you’re about to find out.
Look this way! Look there!
Look above you, around everywhere!
What’s that noise? A heavy footfall?
The only escape? A tiny tunnel through which you must crawl.
Safe for a moment…but what’s that there?
Something out the corner of your eye appears in thin air!
You turn around sharply only to behold…
Nothing is there. The imagination unfolds,
As room after room fills with strange sights and sounds.
A spinning bridge which whirls high off the ground!
Distorted mirrors which make you skinny or fat,
And the face you know well seems smished up and flat!
A blast of cold air shoots up through the ground,
In this bizarre place you seem to have found.
The once constant gravity seems to ignore,
As you end up flat on a tipping floor!
Finally, through one more revolving barrel,
And down a slide so tall, so certain of peril,
You find your way out back into the night,
Glad to be done with that house, such a fright.


8. "Flying on the Wings of Steam," Chris Vrenna


The Streets of the Carnival
A walk through the cool carnival grounds is what you need,
Thankful for the night and its crisp breeze.
You walk the main road at leisurely speed,
And notice the usual festival fare with ease.
A game here and there—duck pond and some darts,
Hit the balloon and win a small prize,
An abandoned table of paints for face art,
Sits alone, the tenant having left their supplies.
(You’re secretly glad that no one is there
This carnival’s people are certainly strange)
A ring toss where you may win a stuffed bear,
Stands waiting for coins in exchange.
Cotton candy like cobwebs waits to be eaten,
Candied apples, too, so chewy and sweet,
Corndogs whose flavor remains unbeaten,
Such a delicious choice of foods to eat.
A shiver grows at the back of your spine
As you suddenly realize you have a Host
A companion made of wind and whispers entwined,
None other than one of the carnival ghosts!
It does you no harm, simply floats alongside,
And watches you watching the street you are on,
Its interest in you is purely to glide
Beside the living once more; you blink and its gone.
The glowing lights and smells of treats,
The tinkling noises that carnivals make,
Seem to be part of this main festival street
Enticing its walkers to come and partake,
Of the fun, the games, the laughter, the eats.
These thoughts are yours walking past the hammer bell
Wondering if you’re strong enough to make it ring
Although now you’ll never be able to tell
As far off music in your head starts to sing…
Something familiar, something with horses…
You divert off the road to go find the sources…


9. "The Carousel Phonograph," Michael Hedstrom


The Calliope Phonograph
You follow the music to an old carousel,
And hop on just as it starts to excel.
The old phonograph scratches a calliope tune,
Heard only by you, old metal horses and the big golden moon.
You wonder how long the thing’s been alive,
Running and spinning, how did it thrive?
The song cracks beneath its age,
And you hope the horses won’t do the same.
Faster and faster the old merry-go-round spins,
As the horse beneath you merrily grins,
You wonder if this is the end for the old ride
As seemingly out of control you glide.
Then as quickly as it started the whirling slows
As if it knew your fears started to grow.
The crackling music comes to a graceful end,
And you pat the neck of your metal horse like an old friend.
As you turn to leave the grin returns
To its equine face, ever ready to turn
Round and round forever he’ll prance
In the eternal calliope dance.


10. "The Dancing Firebeasts," Michael Hedstrom


Skeleton Clowns!
You hear a commotion beneath the big top
That striped tent will be your next stop.
“A Clown Show Like You’ve Never Seen!”
The ringmaster says, and soon you’ll see what he means.
Applause peals out as the clowns enter the ring
But then you notice just one thing…
The clowns are not living! They’re unique, sure, these ones!
They’re just like other clowns, except they’re Skeletons!
A Skeleton Clown troupe! Nothing to fear though
They’re as harmless and funny as any other clown show.
They emerge in their collars and funny hats and shoes
Some even have a big red nose strapped on too!
As they perform their hilarious feats
Any fear inside you is quickly beat.
They juggle and tease and even eat fire
And for the finale one walks the high wire!
The crowd ooh’s and ahh’s, as the bone-clown amazes
With his incredible feat and human-like graces.
No worry here, if he should fall
Since he’s already dead, if you will recall.
The show might’ve been scary indeed, with skeletons all over the place
But you leave with a laugh in your heart and a smile on your face.


Epilogue
Mist swirls around as you make way to leave,
Ghosts usher you out, and you’re a bit relieved,
It’s a wonderful thing to have a bit of fright,
But how good to crawl into safe warm bed at night.
Oh but never you fear…at least not just yet.
You have to remember, you mustn’t forget,
What a good time is to be had by all,
On that One Special Night in the middle of Fall.
So keep your chin up, don’t feel down,
For frights and spooks will return all around,
A show of amazement will again be found…
WHEN THE CARNIVAL COMES TO TOWN!



It's corny. But then, so is Halloween in general. Enjoy!

"The world is full of obvious things which nobody by any chance ever observes."


Because this blog wouldn't be truly Halloweeny if I didn't promote a spooky story or two.


(Do you guys remember this episode?? It was super scary! If I ever find all the episodes of Wishbone on DVD, I AM BUYING THEM. ALL.)

There are very few stories which I recommend people to listen to rather than read. The Hound of the Baskervilles is one of them.

Also, it's a Sherlock Holmes story. If you didn't know that, get off this blog, you don't belong here.

Plot Summary: I can't even sum up this plot. It'd be like trying to explain "Les Miserables" to someone. There's just a lot going on. In short: Sir Henry Baskerville is this noveau riche American guy who falls into his family's old landed money. Which sounds spectacular, only there's this curse. Anyone in the Baskerville family gets haunted and hounded (see what I did there?) by this ghostly, beastly, demonic hound dog. And it's an EPIC dog. It's like, the size of a horse and it gallumphs across the moors seeking out Baskerville blood. It's totally way scarier than I just made it sound. It eats people's throats out. THAT'S INTENSE.



So anyway, a friend of Henry Baskervilles, named Mortimer, seeks out Sherlock Holmes's help. Holmes is interested, but being the world's only consulting detective, he's way too busy to deal with ghostly, throat-hungry hounds. So he's all like, "Guys, I'm Sherlock Holmes. I'm way too busy saving the world to deal with this. But it is interesting. Watson, you go." So, after throwing a minor hissy fit and following Baskerville around London like a creeper with Holmes, Watson goes off to Baskerville Hall and basically conducts the entire investigation, all whilst writing incredibly detailed letters to his bff Holmes back home.



(Also something with a phony cab driver and a boot happens. But I won't spoil it.)

So Baskerville Hall is located in the middle of the creepiest part of England ever. There are all these moors and swamps ("mires," they call them), wherein animals get trapped and die slow, horrible deaths (much to Watson's horror). Also, there are women weeping the halls at night, and they also hear they baying of the hound. Well, Watson is smart, but he's no Holmes, so he just goes around talking to pretty much everyone he meets on the English countryside, playing detective. All the neighbors are creepy, btw.



So, all this stuff happens. It's creepy. The moors are creepy. Holmes is being stuck-up in London, and then people start dying. And Watson's all like, "Omg, what do I do?" So he keeps writing to Holmes, because that's sure as hell what I'd do if I was friends with Sherlock Holmes.



I don't want to say anything else, because then we get into major spoilers territory. But the hound totally exists and it DOES rip out people's throats. And there's an escaped convict and some ruins. And Holmes makes a dramatic and heroic re-appearance. And Watson ends up doing a pretty fine job on his own.

So why, being the absolute Holmes fangirl that I am, would I like a story where Holmes is so clearly absent? Because it's GOOD. And creepy. And Holmes is actually there the whole time, we're just too stupid to figure out his genius mastermindery. He is like a puppetmaster, and all the characters and the readers are like marionettes dangling from the strings of his genius. You don't even KNOW.


You can download the audiobook for free here or, if you're insistent upon reading it (it's good either way, really), you can do so here.


Friday, October 22, 2010

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Gratuitous vids of children killing people.



I believe you'll find the title adequately sums up this little entry.




This one inspired the straight to DVD film that came out last year. I didn't see it, but the trailers looked pretty awesome (Anna Paquin ftw!). I just don't like scary movies. I know, I know...favorite holiday is Halloween and can't stand horror flicks? Someone once summed me up as "a walking contradiction." I rest my case.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

To boldly go...



I made these for a friend last year. I thought I'd share the lulz:






And finally:
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Monday, October 18, 2010

"Pumpkins scream in the dead of night."


I wanted to do a post focusing on that quintessential Halloween tradition: decorating pumpkins.








SO CUTE!




All above are courtesy of Martha Stewart.


This awesome lady decoupaged a pumpkin based on "The Raven" by Poe. ♥ ♥ ♥


Credit.


Credit. This may well be my favorite.

Are you carving pumpkins this year, Readers? If so, let me know and share pics! I'll post them here!