...humbug?

I am bummed. 

(Which, for my UK readers, means I am sad, not that I was anally invaded, thankyouverymuch.)

Here's the thing. I want to whine a bit, because this is my blog. But I always feel so guilty whining, especially around the holidays, because I have so much for which to be grateful. And while I'm initially inclined to sit around and feel really sorry for myself (because poor me), there are people who have it so much worse and are so much more uplifting and nice and happy. Basically, they have a better attitude than I do. 

So. I am going to whine. A little bit. But I also want everyone to realize that I know how much worse it could be. And I am really grateful, so I will follow up my whining with a "thankful list." Is that okay?

I am bummed out because I started this Christmas season actually a little bit excited about the whole thing. Christmas is never my favorite time of year, but it seemed like everything was going pretty well. My aunt is in town to help out with my grandma, my parents' health is good, Michael is doing well...all seemed like it might shape up to be a normal Christmas (disasters of Christmasses past: emergency trip to NC on Christmas day to retrieve my ailing grandmother and bring her here to live, my dad being temporarily blinded by retinal detachment surgery, me having my wisdom teeth out, and the kicker, my grandpa passing on the 23rd). 

Then I wrecked my knee. 

Which wasn't really all that bad. I mean, it sucks, and it still hurts. But I didn't need to have surgery, so that's a good thing.

What really sucks about it is how long its taking to heal. Granted, I am two weeks out of my injury. They said it'll be about 8. I've got a LONG way to go still. But I am SO SICK of just lying around. Or going one place and being too tired out to continue running my errands and finishing my Christmas shopping. I don't like being physically frustrated when mentally, I'm ready to GO. 

This, of course, being the first year in ages that I haven't finished my Christmas shopping by Thanksgiving, I ended up having to order the remaining gifts on my list online. Which is a beautiful thing. Except for when they ship you the wrong item and in order to get the correct item in time for Christmas, you have to go to the physical store anyway, which is exactly what I was trying to avoid doing in the first place. 

This has happened. Twice. I still haven't made my final return and frankly, I'm not going to. Everyone can just deal with getting the rest of their presents after New Year's. 

THEN, I got sick. So now, I am sick, coughing, sniffling, not-sleeping, and achy. And my leg is still bad. My physical therapist ripped me a new one yesterday, so I'm sorer now than I've been in a long time. THANKS, GUYS. 

So even if I could muster up the energy (and swallow enough DayQuil) to go out and finish my things, my leg's too sore. And I'm hacking up a lung. 

I went back to work for like, 2 days and it was glorious. But apparently, two days is more than my ridiculously puny system can handle, so now I'm back to invalid status. 

*sigh*

I am very patient with others. It's a good trait. But I am ruthless with myself. I am angry with myself for getting hurt in the first place. I'm mad that the injury so lowered my immune system that I got sick on top of it. I'm mad that I went into shock and wasn't braver, and as a result I'm not producing enough serotonin and I feel depressed when I should be making jokes about the irony of the situation. I'm mad that I didn't get my Christmas shopping done sooner. I'm mad I don't make more money (which would have facilitated getting shopping done sooner). I'm mad that there's still time to make sure everything is perfect, and instead, I'm in bed, looking like hell, again. I'm mad I'll miss my family's Christmas dinner tomorrow because I had a blast seeing everyone on Thanksgiving. I'm mad I had to cancel meeting up with Bethany to exchange gifts. I'm mad I haven't seen The Hobbit yet and won't until probably after New Year's.

I'm just a little miffed. 

So, that's my whiny time. I'm just bummed because I tend to be a perfectionist. I want everyone to be healthy and happy on Christmas, with the perfect presents wrapped perfectly (I skimped on wrapping this year, too, because getting down on the floor to wrap is one thing. Getting up is an epic of Beowulf proprotion.). I feel like I'm letting down my friends and family by not getting to see them, like somehow they might think I'm making things up to get out of social things, which I'm not. 

Hopefully, this cold will pass without becoming bronchitis, and I'll feel halfway decent on Christmas. 

On to the Things For Which I Am Thankful:

-That I didn't need surgery.

-For Bixby, who literally makes me smile and/or laugh every day even if I feel crappy.

-For my parents, who are nice enough to let me live with them, assure me that Christmas will continue even if I don't do ALL THE THINGS, and are helping me and taking care of me.

-For my bed. I mean, if I'm going to be stuck somewhere on and off for a month at a time, it might as well be somewhere I love, right?

-For the extended editions of the Lord of the Rings DVD's, the special features of which I've been systematically watching while I'm down and out.

-For books, for keeping me sane.

-For the friends who've stopped by and brought cards, flowers, encouraging emails and texts. You guys mean everything to me, and I'm so grateful for your love and support and well-wishes.

-For my job. Here's how you know your boss is awesome: you call her from the emergency room to let her know what happened and her first question is, "Are you there alone? Do you need me to come over there?" Seriously, I was totally morphined up, but I almost cried. Secondly, they've allowed me to do some telecommuting from home, and have basically said, "make your own schedule while you're recovering." Thirdly, every single one of my co-workers got each other Christmas gifts, even if it was just little things from the Dollar Store or homemade cookies. It's just so sweet. Fourthly, when I came in earlier this week, they had literally moved my entire desk and workspace downstairs for me so I don't have to trudge up the stairs. Seriously??? My job is amazing, and I thank God every day for the people I work with and for allowing me to be there with them.

-For Christmas. Because even if it's not the perfect, soft-focus event I imagined in my mind, we're still allowed to celebrate it however we want to or can in this country. And I'm so glad I have a savior who reminds me every once in a while to be a Mary, not a Martha, and just sit at His feet and be in His presence, especially at this time of year. And it's okay to sit, and be still, and know that He is God. 

Not getting to say Merry Christmas even though I'm a Christian? BOTHERED.

I'm the Queen of unpopular opinions. I just have a lot of them. I also don't care. 

This time, I want to talk about Christmas. 

Here's the deal. I am a practicing Christian (a Catholic, specifically), and I take offense to the fact that mainstream media and marketing are trying to eradicate the whole CHRIST aspect of CHRISTMAS.

This pisses me off every winter, but this year, it's a lot more prominent. I think it's because I do a lot of the PR work at the library, and I'm constantly being told to make it "less Christmassy, more holiday." 

Here's what doesn't make sense to me. I have no problem acknowledging Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Solstice, or whatever else your preferred winter holiday is. But it's a little stupid to me that we have to have "Winter Parties" and say "Happy Holidays" when Hanukkah ends on Thursday, and Kwanzaa doesn't start until December 26th. So basically, between Thursday and Christmas, the ONLY holiday that's actually actively available for well-wishing is Christmas. Unless you want to go around wishing people a Happy Solstice on the 21st, and if you do, go knock your socks off. Just expect a lot of raised eyebrows and inquisitive looks. 

I like that we live in a country where we have a wide variety of religions and their holidays. I think it's nice that we can all enjoy that freedom. That being said, this nation was founded on Christianity, and I think the Founding Fathers would have a heart attack if they saw the bastardization of the Constitution that's occurring right now. I also think that if you can't deal with the fact that the people who founded this country were what might be called "Bible thumpers," and our pledge has the word "God" in it, and our money says, "In God we trust," then you should leave. There are lots of other countries out there. Go find one that aligns with your personal beliefs. 

(SHPIEL: There's a lot of debate about the date of December 25th and "how does anyone know that's when Jesus was born?", but here's the deal. January 6th has always been celebrated as Epiphany, the day when the wise men visited. The church wanted 12 Days of Christmas (yes, like the song, I'm not making this up, go research), so they literally counted backwards and ended up at December 25th. Also, Christmas comes from the words "Christ mass" because when Christmas was officially made a holiday, there was only the Catholic church. There are a lot of different supposed reasons for the choosing of December 25th (nine months after the conception of Christ, incorporation of Sol Invictus into the church, etc.), but the date isn't important! Celebrating the incarnation of Jesus IS!)

And I get that we have to (and should!) acknowledge other religions, but I don't like it when that comes at the cost of eliminating MY religion. If everyone is going to be all "religious equality!" then how about we still acknowledge Christianity? I know they're not the minority, but we still need to acknowledge them. And the truth is, without Christians, there would be no Christmas! It's become secularized and if you want to adopt secular parts, that's fine. But you need to acknowledge that historically, there would be no Happy Holidays without Merry Christmas. 

And even the secular parts, like presents and decorating, have origins in the Christian traditions. So you can pretend to have "holidays" but you're basically wrong. And that's fine, like, if you don't want to believe that's fine. I feel sorry for you, but that's your choice. But don't just pretend like you invented everything and that Christians who want to celebrate are wrong and insensitive and all that. Because if we're all having equal rights, we have every right to say and celebrate Christmas. 

So I'll be saying Merry Christmas, and I hope you say it to me. And to my Jewish friends, I hope you're having an awesome Hannukah. I don't know anyone who celebrates Solstice or Kwanzaa, but if you do, hope they're nice. 

TLDR: I like equality, but I don't like it when that means that white people and Christianity get pooped on just because they're the majority. If you really want equality, then let's be EQUAL. 

End rant. 

Also, I hope I didn't actually offend anyone with my middle class, white girl, Christian ranting. 

Potential new least favorite book?

I just read the most heinous book. 

OH MY GOD, I literally can't even talk about how much I LOATHED this book. It was the most vapid, insipid, stupid, brainless waste of paper I've ever had the utter displeasure of reading. 

Not true. Heart of Darkness is still my least favorite book, but this book actually insulted me as a fan of Austen and an educated human being. 

What I hate most about this book is that it masquerades itself as some kind of almighty tribute to Austen, who is probably my favorite author, when really, it's so trite and STUPID that it's insulting to insinuate that you are glorifying her by reading or writing this book, and it's insulting to people who have actually READ all of her books to tout this as some kind of tribute. 

It. Was. TERRIBLE. 

The main girl is a sad, Darcy-obsessed, single woman who wins a trip to Austenland, a place where you can go and literally pretend to be in a Jane Austen book alongside trained actors and everything. Of course, she falls in love with the Darcy character, but without the intrigue and intelligence of the ACTUAL Pride and Prejudice romance. 

Also, Hale repeatedly bashes Northanger Abbey, one of my favorites, and lauds SuckMansfield Park, the only of Austen's novels I actively dislike. 

It was just infuriating to me. I had to question if she'd ever actually read any of Austen's book, because this is the kind of dialogue, book, characters, and scenarios that Austen SNARKED IN HER OWN BOOKS. If you're going to write some kind of tribute novel, AT LEAST TRY, DAMMIT. 

Luckily, I've read other works by Shannon Hale and I know she's a good author, but it's like she got a prescription for stupid pills, popped them all, and birthed this monstrosity. 

I was so pissed off with this book that I literally felt my blood pressure rising as I was finishing it. If you were born with only half a brain, or you hate Austen, or you love really poor storytelling, go ahead and read this book. Everyone else, go read an actual Austen book. Or Sherlock Holmes, who would probably have injected cocaine, overdosed, gone on a crazy chemistry spree and poisoned every single person in this book, and then successfully framed Charles Augustus Milverton. Which would have been a really suitable alternate ending. 

ALL THE REACTION GIF's

While reading: 

Afterward:

 Summary of the book: 

Turning a new page.

Ugh.

You have no idea how many times I've started typing out an "End of Blogging" post--the kind where I'm like, "this blog is going on hiatus for a while" or "I'm not writing anything for a while" or any other pathetic variation on the phrase. But then my heart breaks, because I feel like that's admitting defeat.

I feel like this blog hasn't been an honest place for me to come and write and express and create in AGES. I'm so afraid of offending people or of someone at my place of employment seeing it and finding SOMETHING over which to fire me. I guess that's just the combination of my inherently guilty conscience and learned paranoia. BUT STILL. It sucks because I want to write and say things and be funny and sarcastic without being afraid.

But I am.

So I'm going to work on being a little more honest--in my writing, with myself, with my readers (whoever's left of them...I think my drop off in readership is actually what's helping me, though), and try not to be so afraid that I'm somehow going to get fired from my library job (which is stupid, since this blog is like, 75% book reviews).

And I'll probably treat it more like Tumblr...post a picture, a song, a video, maybe a photo or two, and leave it at that. I just need to revise. And take pressure off myself to create some kind of masterful blog when really, that's not what this is about. I want it to be for me again, without the worry of pleasing, amusing, or offending my readers.

So consider this my diary into which you get some kind of look. Only on the scale of  the "inner sanctum," this diary would be on the 2nd ring:

YAY to not being guilty over blogs! YAY for new headers! YAY for change (and not of the penny and nickel variety)! YAY!

"Be not afeared, the Isle is full of noises."

So, I thought I should share my thoughts about the Olympic opening ceremony. 

Actually, I think I feel about it the way the Queen looks. 

(Btw, I wish everyone would back off about her looking so pissed off. Let's be real. She had been up since the crack of dawn meeting foreign dignitaries, attending luncheons and giving speeches all day. Then it's late at night, and she's EIGHTY FREAKING SIX. I'm 23 and that's how I look at 10 at night. So cut her some slack.)

I just expected it to be more...traditional, I guess. I would've loved to see a Scottish Tattoo or some Irish step-dancing (because let's be real: mass amounts of people synchronized in tap shoes with no arm movements is totally mesemerizing)--things that are unique to the U.K. Or even if they'd done a history of sport in the U.K., starting with the Celts riding horses in blue paint, then moving on to the Scottish games (caber tossing, anyone?), and knights and archery and jousting, and Renaissance dance (and Regency dance because let's face it, that Austen stuff is way sexier than today's dancing), and traditional English fox hunting and then ending with football/soccer and the Olympics.

OR they could've gone literary, starting with Beowulf and Chaucer, moving on to Shakespeare (um, duh?), Jonathan Swift, then Dickens, Austen, Carroll, Wilde, and of course, ending with Gaiman and Rowling. Although, I was pleased that they mentioned Alice in Wonderland, Harry Potter and Mary Poppins. And actually HAD J.K. Rowling there to read from Peter Pan. Swoon!

ALSO: while I am thrilled that there was basically a worldwide sing-a-long for "Hey Jude" (I might actually have died if I'd been present), I'd like to point out that England produced a LOT of other musicians. I mean, Ringo is still out there! It would've been so cool to have a British rock medley, and have Ozzy, Bowie, Siouxsie, whoever's left of the Sex Pistols or the Ramones, Keith Richards, Mick Jagger and Paul McCartney, and anybody else who cares to join in do a joint concert. Would've been SO BADASS. 

Not to mention British actors, but we just won't even go there.

I did like the Industrial Revolution bit, however, it was a little theatrical for me.

I don't know. The whole show just felt too artistic for me. It felt like...if Les Miserables and Blue Man Group had a lovechild, it would've been the London Opening Ceremonies. I don't know. If that had been an American Opening Ceremony, I would've been like, "Oh, of course." But there are so many things that are unique to the history and culture of the U.K., and I guess I just wanted to see more of that. 

The lines Kenneth Branagh read from "The Tempest" fit perfectly, so A+ on that, England!

So anyway, that's how it would've gone down if I'd been in charge. Which obviously, I was not.

Not gonna let you ruin my day.

Taken today at Cocoa Beach. =D


Every year for my birthday, my Mom and I usually go to the beach for a day. We don't stay overnight or anything--we just like to go and wander around the shops, get some sun, take a walk on the beach, that kind of thing.

Well, this year's been a little crazy so between all the weddings, my work schedule, her schedule, and life in general, we never made it over there. One day about two weeks ago, she's like, "Let's just pick a day. You ask off for work, I'll clear my schedule, and we'll go to the beach." I was like, "OKAY!" So I did (luckily) get the day off work, and "beach day" has literally been the highlight of my life since. I didn't sleep a wink last night because I was so excited. Nothing gets me excited like the beach. Not even hot guys. Although, if I ever legitimately see a hot guy who's not famous or fictional, he might beat out the beach.

ANYWAY.

Today was beach day. SO EXCITED. And we really did have a lovely time, but I need to rant for a minute about THIS B***H.

Allow me to set the scene: we're about 30-50 yards away from Ron Jon's Surf Shop. Those of you who've been to Cocoa Beach know this is the hub of all tourist activity (big surf shop, lots of food, free beach parking, close beach access, etc.). Mom and I decide we want to check out the Cocoa Beach Pier first, neither of us having been. It's about 30-40 yards the other way; we had missed the turnoff for it. So we needed to make a u-turn, but A1A (which is a massive road that runs along pretty much the entire coastline and is THE MAIN/ONLY ROAD through Cocoa.) is a one way street. We get in the turn lane and turn onto one of the many residential streets in that area. The first house on our side has a circular drive (made of dirt, not paved btw) so we're like, "Oh, this is perfect, we'll just turn around and go out the other way." So we drive around and pull up behind a car that's also waiting to turn out.

I drew you a picture so you understand:

The blue line shows what we drove. So, anyway, we're there behind this chick and she backs up, nearly hits my Mom, whips around (yelling the whole time and waving her arms) and pulls up next to us and rolls down her window, still yelling. My Mom rolled down her window. Looking back, this was a not-so-good idea. I mean, I probably wouldn't have done it. I would've just kept going forward. Anyway, she rolls down her window and THIS PSYCHO WOMAN WITH A STARFISH UP HER ASS is like, "WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT??? WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!?"
And Mom's like, "Um, making a u-turn?"
"WELL THAT'S PRIVATE PROPERTY! THAT'S MY DRIVEWAY THAT I HAVE TO MAINTAIN AFTER YOUR VEHICLE KICKED UP THE SAND. THERE ARE OTHER WAYS TO MAKE A U-TURN. JUST SO YOU KNOW."
Mom started rolling up her window about halfway through this tirade, THANK GOD, and we just pulled up to where she'd been. She then sped off, only just missing the giant garbage truck, to God-knows-where, since it was a dead-end street. I'm assuming in order to get back to where she was, she probably had to turn around. PROBABLY IN SOMEONE'S DRIVEWAY.

Okay, SERIOUSLY?? I'm terribly sorry for driving IN YOUR DRIVEWAY. Also, you live in the middle of a tourist trap on a one-way street. Did you really think that no one would use your driveway as a turnaround? I mean, if I lived a stone's throw away from Disney and had a circular drive, I'd pretty much resign myself to the fact that people would be there ALL THE TIME, using it for parking, pictures, whatever. If you're gonna live somewhere like that, either resolve to not care or, and here's a novel idea, PUT UP A SIGN. Or a traffic cone, or rope or something. I mean, I know that's a pain in the ass when you live there, but you're a pain in the ass and you live there. And it would've been one thing if my Mom had been peeling around it going 60. If you know my Mom, you know she drives a solid 35mph pretty much all the time--on the main roads. We were going MAYBE 5mph. If we'd been popping wheelies (in my Mom's toaster Scion, lol) and driving all over your lawn, then I'd understand you being upset. But we weren't. And it's not even illegal. I looked it up as soon as we got home. It's not trespassing and it's not against the law (verbal assault and reckless driving are, though, btw).

Like I said: I get being upset. Mom and I were talking later and given the layout of the road and all, this is obviously not the first time someone's used her drive as a turnaround. And I know that's probably annoying. But again. Even if there is another way to get around
a) we're from out of town, like 90% of Cocoa's population, and don't know where it is
b) there was a giant garbage truck blocking all the other driveways as well as the rest of the road! Where else were we supposed to go???

Ugh. Just like, some people.



Anyway, that's my story of the B***h at the Beach. Apart from that, we had a stellar day. It was gorgeous--warm, not a cloud in the sky, a light breeze to keep us from feeling too hot, and the ocean. I bought a cute pair of sandals, swam in the ocean with some pelicans, got a little sun...it was glorious.

SO YOU DIDN'T RUIN MY DAY, BUT YOU DID GIVE ME A GOOD BLOG POST. HAH!

This happened to me at work tonight.

HOW DARE YOU?? Betsey Johnson is 69 years old and CARTWHEELS down her own mothereffing runways. She is a goddess among fashion designers and women in general. She is also one of my spirit animals. No lie.


*sigh*

I need to rant for a minute.

That's what blogs are for, right?


I am OVER people with abominable manners. I'm not talking people who forget to say "please" or "excuse me." I'm just talking about people who take out their anger and frustrations on random strangers. Random strangers here being me.

It is NOT my own personal fault if we can't buy any of your clothes at Plato's, especially when I've already explained to you IN DETAIL what it is we're looking for and how the process works. This is no excuse to yell at me, accuse me of lying and wasting your time, and then storm out of the store and ruin two displays on the way out.

It's also my right and my prerogative to let my dogs out IN MY OWN YARD late at night. I understand you're walking and this is your neighborhood, too. I always leash Bixby because he's eager and tends to run after people and jump on them (in greeting. If you've met Bix you know he doesn't have an aggressive bone in his fat little body). But my older two, if it's not a busy time in the neighborhood (early morning, when the school bus comes, early evening, etc.), I usually just let out front IN MY YARD so they can go pee. DO NOT yell at me if Millie comes meandering over to you. She was not running, jumping, growling or barking. She pranced in your general direction. Don't tell me how to care for my own pets when you don't have any of your own.

There are myriads of other instances in my daily life in which people just absolutely fail at sensibility and common courtesy. And I'm not even on the worst end of it. I can't tell you how many times I've witnessed people screaming at their hair stylists and nail techs like they're freaking GOD and everyone else is just put on earth as peons to serve them. GET OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE. You breathe the same air as the rest of us and your blood is red just like everyone else's. People make mistakes. Sometimes things, like dogs, act or react beyond our realm of control. For God's sake, just be UNDERSTANDING. You don't have to fart unicorns and piss rainbows. I'm just asking for some empathy and compassion from humanity at large.

Being rude and aggressive with total strangers is something I just DON'T understand. I have been to hell and back quite a few times, and I still manage to function like a bearable member of society. I certainly never take it out on people I don't even know. We might not be rolling in the dough or have fancy titles or anything, but my mother is a lady and she raised me to be one, too. Meaning that you always act with the utmost dignity and decency towards others, even (and especially) people in positions lower than your own. Discrepancies arise, and it's your right and responsibility to ask for fair treatment or a correction when a mistake has been made. But you do so with grace and dignity. NOT yelling and screaming at people whose fault it most certainly is not.

Also, you might think just because you've never seen me before you can get away with this kind of behavior. But in a couple of instances, I've seen you before. I've heard you talk the talk and seen you NOT walk the walk. Be careful of the first impressions you leave on people, and don't think that no one's watching you so it's okay to act egregiously. You may very well be seen by people who know who you are and what you're about. Or supposedly about.

PLEASE, people. Just have some decency. I know life is frustrating and I know time is valuable and I know that shit happens. But there is a right and wrong way to handle every situation, and if most people would just take a deep breath and consider what they're about to do before they do it, I think the world would be a much more pleasant place to be.

I'm not a beauty queen, I'm just beautiful me.

{DISCLAIMER: This post is a rant. As such, it is long and disjointed. Also, the language might be kind of salty.}


Right. So my mom and I subscribe to Us Weekly for the lulz. Whoever gets it out of the mailbox first gets to read it and write in notes with a Sharpie for the other to enjoy later. This is just kind of a thing we do.

Well, last week's issue came in and this was the cover. No biggie, because celeb trash mags sell pretty much on the premise of either a) embarrassing pics of celebrities doing things like picking up dog poop or having (God forbid!) cellulite, or b) info on how to make you more like said celebrities. Well, this one was one of the former. And in order to be like a celebrity, you obviously need to be built like a celebrity.

But not just any celebrity. You have to be built like the Kardashians or Victoria Beckham.

It just PISSES ME OFF that this magazine had like a 40 page spread of "hot beach bods," and there was NO. VARIETY. Every single girl in there looked like the two on the cover: thin, tanned, with unrealistically large breasts and their bones sticking out. And then people wonder why 24 MILLION people in the US alone have eating disorders.

It's just angering, because there's this crazy unrealistic ideal. According to the National Association of Anorexia and Associated Disorders, only 5% of American females have what media portrays as the ideal body type.
(See how nice I am? At least I protect the identities of people I'm about to publicly trash.)
NO SHIT, SHERLOCK. This is NOT natural! It's not even anatomically possible without the assistance of some major surgery and God-knows-what-else.

And I love it, because like, about a month ago, Us named Jessica Simpson their style icon of the year. And they trumpet around all this garbage about how even though she gets ragged on for her weight, they are accepting and she is beautiful! Was she featured in the hot bodies issue? Hell no, she wasn't.

Women, according to the media have four distinct categories: perfect (see above), too skinny, too curvy, and unhealthy (obese and skeletally ill women). And each of these have their own stereotypical personality types, too. The perfect women? They seem shallow on the surface, but really, they are misunderstood, deep thinkers with a heart and a soul beneath their inflated breasts. The too skinny women, like Keira Knightley and Zoe Saldana, are secretly in denial of their eating disorders. Curvy women, like Adele, Jessica Simpson, Christina Hendricks, and a slew of others, get thrown into this "I'M BIG AND I DON'T GIVE A DAMN" category. They get made into these ridiculous oversexed, overconfident versions of themselves, because it's like the public won't believe that it's possible to not be "perfect" and still be an okay human being. And the "unhealthy" women, the ones who are way too fat or way too skinny, simply just don't care about themselves. They're probably also on drugs because they're just that messed up.

It's NAUSEATING.

Look, just because you're an hourglass figure doesn't make you a sex symbol like Marilyn Monroe. Just because you're tall, thin, and have A-cup boobs doesn't mean you're secretly hiding some kind of life-threatening eating disorder (it doesn't automatically make you serious and into indie stuff, either. Just saying). And some women are just naturally kind of bony or kind of thick. And you know what, ladies? Even though you are SORELY underrepresented on the glossy pages of these sick-ass magazines, YOU ARE OKAY.

While I was fuming about this, I, providentially enough, came across the following video on Tumblr (which even though I don't have one, is probably my favorite website). This girl is HILARIOUS and accurate, and I just wanted to share.
WARNING: CONTAINS INAPPROPRIATE LANGUAGE. Don't watch at work or in front of sensitive family members.

My only qualm is with the fact that her self-acceptance came with a boyfriend. But you know what, that's real life. Plus, she only tells us this to make the point that we are, almost always, our own worst enemies.

Anyway, TL;DR: the media is crap for showing us only one type of body and telling us it's the only good one.

Kudos to Glamour magazine for being the ONLY one on the market who truly embraces a wide variety of body types. If you're interested, too, I read this book and it truly changed my entire outlook on body image:

Crystal Renn is probably the most famous plus-sized model (I think she's like a size 12...plus? REALLY?), and she wrote this book detailing her struggle to fit into the modeling world, her battle with severe eating disorders, and how she managed to accept herself just how she is and is making more money now that she has. It's really eye-opening (and just a juicy good read), so I definitely think everyone should read it.


Anyway, that's my latest rant on the ever-pervasive issue of body image and media. It's just a load of crap, and as long as you are HEALTHY, you are JUST FINE, whether you're a size 4 or 14.

And now, a relevant picspam:





ETA: I forgot to post this. It makes me laugh every time, but it's cute, and relevant to this post.

Oh, Tyra... ♥

Always I wanna be with you and make believe with you and live in harmony, harmony OH LOVE!

Well, there's been a lot happening recently in the news and life and whatever, and I've been pretty quiet around here lately. Mostly this is because my "finals week" has been dragging on since the week before last, and just ended today. So now I'd like to say what I think about some stuff.



Death of Osama Bin Laden

Right, here's the deal. I don't know how anyone who sat in front of a TV in school on September 11th and watched as their lives changed FOREVER isn't absolutely overjoyed that justice has been finally dealt to the guy responsible for that HEINOUS crime against us, and humanity at large. Rejoicing in murder is wrong, however, rejoicing in justice is perfectly acceptable. And I couldn't be happier that they finally caught the rat-bastard responsible for 9/11.

Here's my only problem. Obama will get all the credit. And I mean, credit where credit is due--he did manage to do this under his term. However, I'd just like to point out that it was President Bush who initiated the war on terror, and President Obama who wanted to withdraw our troops and call it quits. Really, I think this is Bush's victory just as much (probably more than) as Obama's. Just saying. I mean, the guy said some abysmally moronic stuff, but a) that was great for a laugh and b) he did what everyone needed after 9/11: stepped up as a leader and a former soldier, and declared war on the people who attacked us. So thanks, President Bush, for putting all of this into motion.


My only concern now is the fact that you probably can't kill the leader of the world's most volatile terrorist organization without repercussions of some kind. Constant vigilance, USA.

The Royal Wedding
For everyone who thinks it was unamerican to care about the Wedding, I think you're full of craps. Plural craps. I know we fought a Revolution with them, but that was 200 years ago. If you're still hung up on that, why are you okay with the end of slavery? Really, guys? Here's the deal: the UK is one of the only nations in the world who doesn't entirely hate our guts. When we went to war, they were the first to step up and fight alongside us. So they're our allies, and if I want to care about the Wedding, then that doesn't make me a shallow USA-hating money-squandering communist or anything, okay?

All that being said, the ceremony was lovely. I'm so happy for William...I feel like he deserves to be completely happy after all that he's been through. And Catherine is BEAUTIFUL, and I think the pair of them would make a couple of pretty awesome monarchs.

PICSPAM!
^ This has nothing to do with the wedding, but I just thought it was adorbs.


She is SO PRETTY! Thank you, Princess Catherine, for making sleeves on a wedding dress chic again!

Favorite parts of the ceremony:



Lol, I think this is so cute. It's one of those "We're BFF's and have inside jokes and yeah, we're laughing at them in front of the ENTIRE WORLD" looks. :DDD



And since Prince Harry looked surprisingly dashing, here's a bonus gif of him being an awesome baby:


Well done, England! Thanks for giving us something nice to watch this weekend.

The End of the Semester

I don't know about the anime angel girl, but whatever, THIS is how I feel about this semester being over. It was easily the strangest and therefore, my LEAST favorite semester of college ever. So glad it's over. I feel like I've been off school since Christmas, and I hate not being in classrooms with other people. Even though when I AM in classes with other people, I see it only as an opportunity to snark them and give them all Seinfeld-esque nicknames. I still end up meeting nice people, and I missed that. Plus, my education classes were absolute jokes. So yeah. Yay for that being over!

The Upcoming Semester
Not so excited, but this is my last semester of college! Then I graduate in August! This is reason for excitement! Regrettably, all I'm taking are upper level electives. Electives = good, upper level= bad. But honestly. I just need C's in them to graduate. So I'm not planning on getting ulcers stressing out about this semester. Here's how my schedule looks:
♥Evolution of Video Games (summer C, in class)
♥Professional Writing (summer A, online)
♥Medieval Humanities (summer A, online)
♥Caribbean Literature (summer A, online)
♥Lit and Pop Culture (summer B, in class)

I have no idea wtf Caribbean lit actually is, but I'm sure I'll let you know when classes start in 2 weeks.

Robot Unicorn Attack
I just discovered it. I basically was like this:


You think you're not gonna like it. And you play it once and you're like, "Wow that was a waste of time." Then that SONG gets stuck in your head and you're like, "Maybe I should play it again." I LOVE IT! Even though I was severely disappointed to learn that a) there is only one level with only that ONE song and b) you can't actually win. Still. It's fun and worth trying.
Click here (you know you want to)!


Erm, I think that's about it. Bixby is doing well at school! He's still shy, but he's actually smarter than the average potato, which has been pleasantly surprising. Also, I didn't realize how much training helps the bonding process, but I highly recommend it for dog owners, just because it is really good for the pair of you to engage in something constructive together. Like marital counseling for people with pets.

Snape does Loreal commercials during the summers.

I hate when I put on hand lotion, and then without thinking do one of these:


I'm like


because I know the next day I'm gonna look like this even moreso than usual:

Mansfield Park, aka: Why I Didn't Think It Was Possible to Hate an Austen Book But Was Wrong.

I just finished my unit on Mansfield Park.

I also committed the Cardinal Sin of English majors and students in general.

I watched the movie instead of finishing the book.

"Don't clap."
This is not a moment I am proud of.

But Jane Austen: COME ON!!! I got 32 chapters into this book and NOTHING. HAPPENED. Like, really. It's probably one of the most uneventful and BORING novels I've ever had to read! And here I thought Jane Austen was perfect. She was a Goddess amongst authoresses. She could do no wrong.

Oh, but she did. And it's called MANSFIELD FREAKING PARK.

Plot Summary: Little poor girl goes to live with her rich aunts, uncle and cousins. She gets made fun of. It sucks. She falls in love WITH HER COUSIN. They grow up. Gratuitous mention of slavery. Enter two bad guys from London. Havoc ensues in the form of "scandalous" plays and toying with emotions. More nonsense happens. Aforementioned cousin becomes a pastor. One really weird and nostalgic trip back home, one wrecked marriage and FORTY-EIGHT chapters later, Fanny Price gets to marry her cousin. And no one CARED.

The reason this books sucks, ultimately, is because Fanny Price is a failure of an Austen heroine. She's sickly, for one. She's all quiet and submissive and opinionless for another. Oh, and did I mention SHE FALLS FOR HER FIRST COUSIN???

INCEST, JANE AUSTEN??? REALLY???


Not to mention, my computer crashed when I was on the last question of my online quiz for this sorry excuse of a novel. Overall, the whole experience was quite unpleasant. I'd liken it to swallowing squids, only I've never actually done that. But this book just writhes and slithers down your throat, leaving you feeling thoroughly creeped out and wishing you'd done something else instead.



Up next: Emma. Here's hoping it's better. :)

Don't be a drag, just be a queen.

So, my hair's in a really awkward grow-out phase. This is the lot of the Woman and Her Hair. When it's long, we dream of chopping it all off in favor of less work, a la Emma Watson. Then we do it, realize that it's probably more work than having it long and start to wonder just how immoral prostitution really is, and if that's maybe okay so we can afford extensions in favor of AVOIDING the awkward grow-out phase. But most of us decide that pushing drugs and selling ourselves is morally reprehensible, even for the sake of good hair. And so we end up looking like we have sixteen year old boy hair. Well, I'm neither 16 nor a boy, so I think that just means my hair looks lame.

ENTER THE POINT OF THIS POST: I wish that wigs weren't passé in modern society. If you're anyone but a cancer victim and you wear a wig, there's like this weird connotation like you should be grateful you have hair so how dare you wear one. Or if you're not black. For black women who are sick of dealing with their hair, they get a wig pass, and it's okay. But white girls with a healthy head of hair are discouraged from wearing wigs on any day other than Halloween, and this saddens me. I'd like a whole WIG WARDROBE. These are some of the ones I'd own:



Hell yes this is a Marie Antoinette wig. And I would wear this with jeans and act like nothing was out of the ordinary. And then I wonder why I'm still single. ;D

And yeah...this is the White Queen from Burton's "Alice in Wonderland." I like white hair...SO WHAT, WHO CARES.


^^ This one is my FAVORITE. How cute?!?


Cosplay wigs are fun because then you look like a real life anime character. Clearly, this is something to aspire to.

I also like this in "blonde and burgundy" and this one in "aurora," for when I couldn't decide what color I'd like my hair to be.

:)))

Wouldn't this be fun?? It's perfectly styled and colored hair with no damage to YOUR hair in like, three seconds. SOCIETY. MAKE WIGS POPULAR AGAIN, THANKS.