Great White Snark: September 2011

Friday, September 30, 2011

Heigh ho, heigh ho...

I actually have something to write about! What is this!

So I got re-hired at the Oviedo Plato's Closet. This is the one where I worked in '07 for about a year.

At first I was like
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because I've been trying since May to get back there to work.

Then I was like
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because this means I actually have to GO to WORK.

Then I was like

So that's all that. I'm glad, overall, to have something part time, because a) it'll give me some money for the holidays and I haven't been bona fide employed in well over a year, and b) when I'm done with school it'll keep me from the depths of despair busy while I look for a real job.

I'm glad. A lot of people can't find jobs and while this is by no means my career, at least it's something. And hey. Third time's a charm right?
(Yes, this will be my third stint with Plato's. Whatever, I know how to do it, I'm good at it, and I kind of enjoy it.)

In other news, in my next life I'd like to be reincarnated as Bixby so I can just lie around on pillows all day and luxuriate in my pugly reflection.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Maj preesh.

Here are 3 things that I like/appreciate right now.

1. Deals

Can we all just take a minute to appreciate bargain shopping? That sweet moment when you realize that thing you wanted is now SIGNIFICANTLY cheaper than it was originally? Awesomesauce.

2. Dry Shampoo

I love this one from Suave because a) it's only like $3, and b) it doesn't spray out like liquid flour into your hair. It's not actually powdery at all, really. So I'm not sure how it works but I LOVE it because it adds volume to the roots. And for whatever reason, since exiting puberty (ahh, that lovely time of one's life), my hair's gotten pretty straight and flat. Just on its own. I have NO idea what happened (maybe cutting it short defeated its spirit. Sad day). Either way, this stuff is awesome, especially if you backcomb/tease the roots after spraying it on. SUPER VOLUME! It's epic.

3. This image:
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That is all. :)

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Alas poor Yorick, I knew him well.

I have to apologize for the absolutely abysmal quality of this blog lately. Like, it sucks. I don't even know why anyone would want to read it. I don't want to read it, and I write it. Blah.

I just really don't feel like I have anything cool or interesting to report! People are like, "Oh hey! What's new with you?" and I'm like, "Nothing." Really, NOTHING. I go to class, I do my homework, I read inordinate amounts of words the volume of which humans were probably never meant to ingest, and I mess around helping around the house and doing crap with Bixby. Like, that's IT.

Not that I'm miserable about it or anything. I feel pretty good about my life. It's just highly unpublishable.

I honestly feel like it's the calm before the storm. In a matter of less than 12 weeks, I'll be, for the first time in my life, well and truly DONE with school. It's like the lightsaber fight between Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker in Return of the Jedi.
Everything in my life has led up to that point, so wtf am I supposed to do when it's done? I imagine I'll have many whiny, Hamlet-esque posts at that point about "WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF LIFE??" and such things (I might even procure a skull and name him "Yorick" for such times).

So although things are dull as toast right now (an unfair simile in my opinion, since toast is delish, especially with Nutella), it's okay with me. I just feel terrible because it makes for heinous blog reading. So bear with me and my lame posts about Conan O'Brien and Harry Potter and stuff. I promise I'm working on ideas of things to write about which might be amusing in the slightest. I'm open to suggestions too, of course.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

I thank God for this man. Like, literally. Occasionally in church.

I don't know. I just feel like I owe him something. He's not really the funniest guy in television. His new show is highly sub-par to his short stint on Late Night. But he makes me laugh. When Sassy died, I was plummeted into this hideous depression, and the only way I could fall asleep without sobbing myself silly first was to watch Conan. We've been buddies ever since.

He just doesn't know it. Yet.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Missoni Madness.

In keeping with their Designer Collaborations tradition, Target announced that this fall they would be working with Italian fashion house, Missoni, which is known for its geometric (read: zig zag) prints and vintage-esque styles.

Well, the collection launched on Tuesday, crashed the website, sold nearly all the stock online and has borne some ridiculous scammers "opportunists" selling their goods on E-bay for prices that can only be described as "highway robbery." So if you're mad for the Missoni print but fear you won't be able to get your hands on it, DON'T PANIC! I've found some dupes for you!

Even though the collection is retailing at Target, the prices, per usual with their Designer Collaborations, are a little exorbitant, especially if you're on a college student budget. Most of the pieces run from $25-$80. Which is still cheap, I guess, but I'm flat broke, so $40 just seems like a lot for a rather ugly sweater.

All the items I'm about to feature are UNDER $25! WHOO-HOO! Now on with it (click pics to enlarge)!

It only stands to reason that Target's biggest competitors, Wal-Mart and K-Mart, would attempt to bring out a few pieces that might sell in light of this wavy craze. If you're looking to try this trend on the cheap, the tunic from Walmart is kind of cute and could definitely be worn with either tights or skinny jeans.

Your typical mall stores obviously didn't want to miss out on this whole deal either. Again, if you just want to try this trend in a small dose, the Wet Seal tank might be a good place to start ($14 is relatively good, too, if you look at the Target prices in comparison!). I also like that Charlotte Russe cardigan, because you get just a tiny bit of the zig zag pattern which can be otherwise overwhelming. It seems like something you'd actually WEAR.

If you're willing to scour the interwebs, you can come up with some pretty good finds there, too. And without crashing the website (hopefully). Don't be suckered into buying the Missoni Collection from Ebayers...I saw some of the pieces going for upwards of $80! Guys, remember: THIS IS FROM TARGET. Yes, the print and some of the designs are by Missoni, but it's not actually Missoni. The quality is still Target. So don't be suckered into overpaying JUST to have a piece of this. Unless of course you REALLY want it and can blow $80. Then by all means, go ahead.

And finally, Forever 21, that shining beacon of cheap trends and yellow shopping bags, hopped on the bandwagon. Per usual.Let's just hope they don't get slapped with another lawsuit.
One of the items that sold out first at Target were the Missoni tights (which are probably the cutest thing in the entire collection). But if you know where to look, you can find adorable two-tone and chevron print tights elsewhere for under $10. Also, the Missoni jumpsuits were apparently kind of a big deal, so if you're into the "Charlie's Angels" look, check out F21. They have a pretty wide selection of jumpsuits for affordable prices.
Anyway, this would be my #1 recommendation if you don't feel like fighting tooth-and-nail at Target for the Missoni look. They've nailed it, once again, for cheaper and cuter.

So there you have it! I personally abhor this trend and think it is, quite frankly, fugly. But let's be real: if there was a fashion house that specialized in black and white stripes, I'd be all over that. So if you're into Missoni, happy shopping! And let me know what you end up getting!

Monday, September 12, 2011

Pug Lovin'.

Who would've thought that at 22 the love of my life would be short and pudgy with wrinkles and a tendency to snore?

If you ignore my pedogrin, this is actually a cute pic.

Friday, September 9, 2011

Trust me, I'm a Blogger.

So I'm no doctor or fact, I'm pretty much as far from a doctor as you can get. But having spent my entire life with a somewhat sickly constitution, I've tried just about every remedy in the book: nettie pots, ear candles, IV's, nebulizers...the whole nine. I just want to rec one that I find extremely soothing and effective. And it's free. And since it's cold/flu season, I figured maybe someone might find it useful. Not that I'd wish a cold or flu on any of my readers.
Just humor me, guys.

Using steam to clear sinuses, nasal, and lung congestion is one of the oldest and most "tried and true" home remedies. There were some studies a while back about whether or not steaming killed the cold/flu virus (apparently viruses die at 109 degress...who knew, right?), but the jury's still out on that one. BUT it is pretty conclusive that using steam helps loosen up congestion and when you have a cold, you pretty much want ANYTHING that will bring some relief.

So here's a step-by-step.

1. Boil water.

Pretty self-explanatory. You won't need tons and tons. I'd say 2 cups or 3 cups would be the max. You're just using it for the steam.

2. Pour into a glass bowl.

Any glass bowl will work, as long as it can hold boiling water. Just don't use plastic or something that'll melt.

3. Add essential oil.

This step is optional, but I am a major believer in aromatherapy. For sinus congestion, my favorites are Eucalyptus and Peppermint. Both work well to clear out your head. I prefer Eucalyptus just because it's LONG been used as a decongestant, but the mint works well too. Just be careful with the mint--let it steep into the water for a minute or so before inhaling, otherwise, it'll sting your eyes. And that's no bueno.
Add JUST ONE DROP of essential oil. They're extremely concentrated and any more will be overkill. Especially with peppermint.
Can you tell peppermint is for the sickie who likes to live dangerously? ;)

4. Get a tissue box, some water, and a towel.

And no, that's not a clever "Hitchhiker's Guide" reference. You really will need a towel.
When you're sick, it's SO IMPORTANT to drink lots and lots. When you have a cold, your body is in mucus production overdrive, so it's way important to drink lots to keep all that production thin. I'm not going into any more detail than that because it's gross. Just google it. And when you steam, because it's so hot and you will probably sweat, it's really important to drink plenty before and after.

Also, the whole point of steaming is to open up your sinuses and nasal passageways, so keep tissues handy.

5. Put the water and your head under the towel and BREATHE.

It's like your playing "ghostie" or "tent" with yourself and a bowl of hot water. Just put your head under there and breathe deeply in and out through your nose. You can inhale through the mouth so it goes directly into your lungs if chest congestion is your bigger problem. But either way, it's just really soothing.

When you're sick, your nasal passageways tend to get really dried out from excessive nose-blowing, and I find that this REALLY helps to remoisturize everything. Steam and saline. If you've never used saline before when you're sick, you are seriously deprived. And it costs like $3 at Walgreens.

So all digressions and amateur photos aside, yes, this is a step-by-step on how to use steam to relieve nasal congestion. I hope that if any of you are sick this fall/winter that you'll give it a shot because at least in my opinion, it WORKS awesomely!

Thursday, September 8, 2011

"I must fight this sickness, find a cure."

This was SUCH a quality book.
Self-described as a "progressively lipogrammatic epistolary fable," Ella Minnow Pea takes place on the fictional island of Nollop, named after the man who invented the pangram "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog." In memory of the island's most prolific citizen, a statue has been erected of Nollop in the town center, with the historic sentence surrounding it. Well, one by one, tiles being to fall from the sentence. Taking this as a sign from the great beyond, the island's Council decides Nollop is challenging them to do without whatever letter has just fallen. As the people of Nollop brush aside letters, so does Mark Dunn, the author. One by one, bits of the alphabet disappear from the novel until the only ones left are LMNOP (coincidentally, the name of the book's protagonist...A-HA!).
I won't spoil how it ends, but this book is just insanely clever. I sat in awe from page one until the end, with a massive sh*t-eating grin on my face because HOW AWESOMELY INVENTIVE! And the language, epistolary style, and narrative are just so charming and whimsical. It's a sweet, brilliant tale and an absolute MUST-READ for logophiles everywhere.
I absolutely recommend this to anyone looking for an enjoyable, quick read, but especially to people who love letters, word play, and vocabularistic challenges.

In other news, no, I'm not better, but thanks to all 2 of you who asked. I now have a sinus infection and bronchitis, which I figured would be the case. It's always been thus. Even when I was, Michael would get a cold and two days later he'd be running around playing. I'd get the same cold and two days later I'd be breathing out of a tube in the hospital. If you know an asthmatic, hug them. It's not contagious, I promise.

So I don't know how much longer I'll have to miss school and stuff, but I barely have the energy to go downstairs, much less trudge my way through UCF. *sigh*

I have been doing lots of reading (like, weeks' worth. However, I still don't know what to write my paper on...the one that's due in a week. Yeah.), watching "Pushing Daisies," "The Office," and "A Bit of Fry and Laurie" (since laughter's the best medicine. I FIRMLY BELIEVE THIS.), and becoming a Spider Solitaire champ. Bixby's thrilled though, because instead of leaving him every day to go DO STUFF I basically go from room to room and just lie there. And he's overjoyed that I'm partaking in his favorite activities (namely, sleeping and doing nothing). So he's well-pleased.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

I am sick. This happens every year at this time without fail, and has since I was in pre-k. I think going back to school just exposes me to a TON of germs and then I get sick. Awesome.

My classes are going well. Actually, Editing is my hardest one. If I wasn't in that class, this would be my dream semester. As it stands, I AM in that class and unpleasant though it may be, it's probably the most useful as far as careers go (unless I want to become a pirate. Then my pirate class would be much more useful.).

Luckily though, I've managed to stay on top of my work and reading. I have a LOT of reading this semester, which is fine by me. My Gothic lit novels have been highly entertaining so far, and actually, the reading for my history class hasn't been terrible either. My Editing textbook, however, is the most egregiously boring thing I've had to read since What Maisie Knew (sorry, Henry James, but your story about a little girl caught in the middle of an early 20th century divorce did NOTHING for me). But again...useful information. Just boring to digest. Kind of like salad.

What's nice is that I have the long weekend and Tuesday off to recover. So I hope I start feeling slightly more human by Wednesday. All I can hope is that it doesn't become bronchitis, which frequently happens within my crappy, pneumatic/asthmatic lungs. I'd like a new set of lungs for Christmas...this has also been true since pre-k.

So anyway, TL;DR: I feel like crap, I have until Wednesday to try and get better, and my life is pretty much the same as always. Which means I read.

Oh, I did have a total pity party this afternoon, because both my parents and my brother were out on dates today (my parents with each other, mind you), and I was at home going through boxes of tissues, watching stupid Youtube videos, and drinking OJ like it was my duty.

Usually I don't get bummed about my lack of a personal life...I usually enjoy it. But sometimes, y'know.

In case you were wondering, that was not an invitation for you to ask me out. I will say no.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

If they could part the sand from the sea, they never could part my love from me.

Just two highly unimportant things:
1. This graphic exists:

I feel it's highly relevant to this blog.

2. This song is beautiful and kind of makes me want to cry:

That is all. Go back to your football.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

I routinely shop in the baby boy's sections at stores, not because I know a baby boy or am secretly harboring a wistful desire to someday have baby boys (ew, God, no).

I do it because Bixby looks so darn cute in them!

{It's official. I'm an old pug lady at 22.}