Great White Snark: October 2011

Monday, October 31, 2011

"When black cats prowl and pumpkins gleam, may luck be yours on Halloween."

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(Something different from "This Is Halloween." The lyrics are straight from Macbeth, so it's legit.)

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HAPPY HALLOWEEN, Readers!!! I hope it's fantastically frightful and delightful. Or if you celebrated this weekend, hope you had fun, too! Click here for the world's cutest Halloween e-card and here for an adorable haunting game. Yay!
Eat, drink, and be SCARY!

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Sic gorgiamus allos subiectatos nunc.

5 Halloweenish Movies That Get Me in the Spirit That Aren't By Tim Burton:

1. The Addam's Family

Omg, I love these movies. They're so great. I totally want the Addam's family to adopt me for like, half the year.

2. Young Frankenstein

This movie's hysterical (hello? It's Mel Brooks, what'd you expect?). It makes fun of the old black and white monster movies. And it has Gene Wilder. DONE AND DONE.

3. Abbot and Costello Meet Frankenstein

This is the kind of old black and white monster movie Young Frankenstein snarks. It's so cheesy and campy, but it's Abbot and Costello! And you get the Wolfman (lol), Frankenstein, and BELA LUGOSI AS DRACULA. Omg, if you've never experienced the old monster movies of the 40's and 50's, rent/youtube/whatever this RIGHT NOW.

4. Van Helsing

This movie is actually really terrible, but it ALSO has the Wolfman/Frankenstein/Dracula trio of terror. Also, it has Hugh Jackman. I can suffer through any amount of heinous plot for a couple hours if it involves getting to look at him (same with Kate Beckinsale).

5. The 'Burbs

I know I shared this one last year, but it's seriously probably my favorite Halloween movie, and it's not even really a Halloween movie. It's just (darkly) hilarious and so 80's. I love it. You should watch this one too. :)


"I can show you that when it starts to rain, everything's the same."

Once again, a conflict has arisen between myself and my mother, today regarding my outfit of choice.

This morning, Mom and I decided to go garage sale-ing, and it was wet and rainy, so I decided to wear my rain boots (practical, right?). And the only way to wear rain boots is either with pants or leggings/skirt/dress. Well, part of the downside of being only slightly over 5 feet tall is the fact that your pants ALWAYS drag on the floor. It being wet outside, I didn't want sopping, muddy hems, so I opted for a skirt and leggings. Then I added my raincoat, and a hat because I didn't feel like bothering with my hair.

Also: GARAGE SALES. Who am I dressing up for anyway??

My clothes:

Well, about halfway through our expedition my mom goes, "Well, that's a colorful little suit you have on today, Mary." And then it's like she couldn't let it go.

Things My Mom Said To Describe My Outfit:
-that it looked like I had a dish rag/pillow case on my head
-I went into my closet and wore ALL THE THINGS (my mom DOES read Hyperbole and a Half. WINNING)

-it's no wonder old people think I'm cute, because it looks like I raided their wardrobes
-this face:

What My Dad Said To Describe My Outfit:
"The top half looks like eastern, Russian orthodox, and the bottom half looks very British mod."

What Bixby Said To Describe My Outfit:
"Snuffle snuffle snort lick." Which means, "Oh Mary! You look beautiful!"

The opinions of my dog and dad aren't really important because they're kind of neutral (Bixby ALWAYS takes my side, so it's not fair to take his thoughts into account). So here's the question:

With whom do you agree: me or my mom?

Thursday, October 27, 2011

"I am no bird, and no net ensnares me."

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{Illustration by Dame Darcy for Spanish edition of Jane Eyre.}

Monday, October 24, 2011

"I saw it on the internet, it must be true."

So something completely stupid that I do is take screencaps of ridiculous ads I see online, because there are a LOT out there (Facebook, I'm looking at you). And I wanted to share my meager and humorous collection with you.

Are you a dumb slut woman? Do you want corsets and carlashes?? CAR LASHES??? Really? And I love how the corset ad is like, "We'll send you our products." Bitch, please. It's probably vitamins. You are not going to get free sexy things, I promise (I have a whole other rant about advertising geared towards women, but that's for another day).

Meanwhile, if you're me and you routinely scour ebay for "boy toys:"


Apparently anything with rainbows is AWESOMESAUCE.

Get rid of wrinkles! Spread POOP on your face!

I love this one...because that demonic baby is DEFINITELY going to incite me to become a social worker.

Apparently, if you love Star Wars and Sherlock Holmes (or anything Facebook snatches from your profile, filthy creepers) you can join a close-knit knowledgeable group of enthusiasts showing off and discussing their latest purchases.

I love this one. But then, it's the Onion, and the Onion's pretty awesome:

Cute. But you can't BUY your way to wizardry. Unless you're Malfoy.

I love this. I'm pretty sure those are 2 unrelated stories, but I like the idea of FIERY RIOTS breaking out over Toy Story 4.

One of these things is not like the others (but I'd vote for The Shat if he ever ran for office):

I also love it when things are INFINITY TIMES larger on Google.

Okay, so those of you who know me or follow me on Facebook/Twitter know I have an ongoing battle. It's Mary vs. Captcha. And I almost always lose. But this time, Captcha threw me a curveball. It started spewing out racial slurs! Wtf, Captcha. Keep it classy, please.

And finally:

NO. Just, no.

Lol, oh, interwebs. You so silly.

Friday, October 21, 2011

Sharing = caring.

Things I want to share with you:

1. My boy is SO CUTE!

2. A good friend of mine introduced me to the delights of Regina Spektor years ago, and I recently discovered this song and wanted you to know about it, too:

3. I have coupon codes for, so if any of you need books, GO THERE and GET SOME.
Save $2 off $20
Coupon code: THIN

Save $5 off $50
Coupon code: RED

Save $10 off $100
Coupon code: LINE

4. While we're talking about shopping, ladies, if you need tank tops (which you do, face it. Especially if you're a local reader. YOU LIVE IN FLORIDA.) we just clearanced a TON at the Oviedo Plato's. So go check it out!

That is all. I hope you have a wonderful weekend! Enjoy this weather!!

Thursday, October 20, 2011

On the Death of my Computer.

My computer died.
It has passed on! That computer is no more! It has ceased to be! It's expired and gone to meet its maker! It's a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! Its metabolic processes are now history! It's off the twig! It's kicked the
bucket, it's shuffled off its mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!!

So that's why I've been quiet for about, oh, the last week. I did finish a book though. But only one. Still, that's better than no book.

Anyway, I'm not entirely sure what happened. I think my computer has been slowly dying for a long time, and this week it just kicked the bucket. Unfortunately, it's beyond repair. So I had to get a new one. Which is EXCITING! Just an unforeseen expense. But I have 2 online classes, so it's kind of important. Anyway, I got the super deluxe not-even-released-yet Apple iThing version 4.0, with an HD camera so I can take high quality pics of myself and 2000 GB of RAM.

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What I actually got is just the newer version of what I had. Which is an Acer Aspire. I love these computers.

Anyway, that's what happened. Not much else is new. I'm desperately trying to get through The Italian before this weekend, and have a paper due next week (I'm totally doing The Monk lol). I'm busy between school and work, which is good. Although Sleep and I aren't together anymore, apparently. I'm not sure if what I have counts as bona fide insomnia, but whatever it is, IT SUCKS.

Friday, October 14, 2011

Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me.

I haven't done one of these in AGES, so I have lots of links saved up! Just in time for the weekend! Whee!

-Just in time for the Most Wonderful Time of the Year, here's a list of sexy Halloween costumes that should never have happened.

-Here's an absolutely asinine article featuring bra shopping tips. I was just told to take a friend bra shopping (uh, NO?), glue rhinestones on the straps and own as many bras as I own shoes IN ONE ARTICLE. I didn't think this much stupid could exist in one written place. Apparently, I was wrong.

-For those of you wondering, here's the more realistic "expectations vs. reality" bra shopping experience.

-This blogis just really pretty and has a great inspirational aesthetic.

-This article features some really interesting thoughts on one of my favorite topics, self-consciousness. Is it real or in our heads?

-It's official: Mindy Kaling is my spirit animal.

-For the person who doesn't know how to write a proper letter, the "Buruea of Communication" has taken the guess work out of it.

-I have yet to try these, but I have every intention of doing so over Christmas break: cute, free paper toys to print and put together! How awesome is this?!?

-Tips for college classroom manners from the Etiquette Queen, Emily Post.

-Another favorite topic of mine: how to be alone.

-Here are 9 Ways to Supercharge the Positivity in Your Life. I actually find most of these useful and not a bunch hippie-dippy New Age crap.

-Here's 101 Ways to Have a Great Day. I APPROVE.

-And finally, a cool post from one of my favorite websites, The Brave Girls' Club. If you're feeling down or in need of some daily pick-me-ups, I highly recommend their daily email, "A Little Bird Told Me."


{Also, this is an unrelated note, but if you love cheap clothing or if you love me and want me to keep having a job, then PLEASE go to the Oviedo's Plato's Closet. If you don't love me, then what the hell, get off my blog. Anyway, you should go shop there. AND, if you bring anything in to sell, you get 10% off any purchase. Even if we don't take your stuff. So go! It's a fun place!}