Great White Snark: January 2011

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Blogging is for fangirls.

Another post on the lovely Helena Bonham Carter, because a) she's just pretty to look at and b) I bloody well feel like it.

^^I just like her "bitch, please" face in this pic. And also that she wears her hair like this to red carpet events. THANK YOU, HELENA!

"I got stuck on the lift with her the other day with the camera operator and if I had to choose somebody to get stuck in the lift with she comes fairly high on the list, because she’s amusing, attractive, and very small."
-Colin Firth on Helena Bonham Carter

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Striped tights, round glasses, and a corset with a door in it. WANT.

I admire her. She is so confident in herself and so happy. Even when she appears on the ‘worst-dressed’ list she says, ‘Who cares?’ She is comfortable with who she is.
-Emma Watson on Helena Bonham Carter

Friday, January 21, 2011

Words of wisdom...

...from my best friend.

I'm pretty lucky to have people like her who routinely send me emails filled with joyous things like this. TAKE HER ADVICE and have a lovely weekend!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Life is a trip with an invisible itinerary.

I've been quiet lately. I like to chalk that up to "nothing cool has happened," but that's nonsense because things are always happening. In all likelihood, I just haven't had my eyes open in the right way to see them.

So here's something exciting. Me and my family got CABLE TELEVISION for the first time in my entire life! We've never had cable/satellite/direct TV/whatever the thing is where you get more than 6 channels. It used to irk me to NO END as a child that I never got to watch Rugrats or Doug or Ren & Stimpy or any of that. I got stuck with PBS. Which looking back, Wish Bone was infinitely better to my small lit-loving mind than any of that anyway. BUT STILL! I always felt terribly left out. And then, as I got older, never ever seeing MTV or Trading Spaces or any of that. WHAT A SOB STORY YOU GUYS (this is such a first world complaint...). Anyway, long story short. We have a lot more channels and even though I'm not a TV watcher by any means, I'M PRETTY EXCITED.

I imagine I'll gorge myself on all the horrible TV I've missed over the years for about two weeks and then realize that the internet reading is better anyway. :)

So for my one so-called education class, the only curriculum is that we find reports pertaining to education and write summaries on them. We have ten of these due this semester, but if you watch a movie that has to do with teaching etc, it counts for three papers. Here are a list of movies I'd like to know if I could get away with watching and writing papers on:
1. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban: because Professor Lupin is the best teacher in that whole series. Also explore whether or not Snape's scariness is actually effective in the classroom ("Turn to page 394.")

2. Star Wars: A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back. Explore the various teaching methods of Obi-Wan Kenobi (best teacher EVER!) and Yoda. Which works better: the blast shield or riding your pupil's back whilst making them complete an obstacle course (this will somehow make you a jedi, btw)?

3. School of Rock: the whole thing is about Jack Black being a substitute teacher. Relevant!
4. X-Men. Any of them.
5. The Breakfast Club: Is Mr. Vernon really an evil guy or has the educational system simply gotten the better of him? Also, how to deal with students like John Bender?

Further suggestions?

Right. Off to class with my awesome prof.
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1. Found my Snape gif:
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2. Prof doesn't have Voldemort growing out the back of his head, but he DOES have a tribal skull tattoo on his forearm. Not exactly a Dark Mark, but I think this means he's a Death Eater anyway. ;)

Thursday, January 13, 2011

First week of school.

I am such a dork. I get hardcore excited about school. I love the routine, I like classrooms and note-taking, I get palpitations at the thought of buying new notebooks, pens and catch my drift.


First of all, two of my four classes are online. Which is awesome, it just means I have to actually motivate myself and DO the work. Which, for the record, does not mean finding a Tumblr and going through 136 pages of posts. It means DOING WORK. So my two lit classes are online. Bittersweet. Sweet because it means I'm probably more motivated to read the material, bitter because those are the classes that are actually enjoyable to sit through. So anyway, I'm taking Lit of Jane Austen (SCORE!!!!) and Renaissance Lit online. Cool classes, heavy reading, I'm in heaven.

My other two classes are education classes: Professional Ethics in Education (aka: sleeping with your students is not a good idea) and Classroom Management for Substitute Teachers. I don't necessarily want to be a sub (even though you get paid $50-$75 a day for doing it...not too shabby), but I figured classroom management skills would be the same regardless.


My ethics class is basically a philosophy class. Those of you who know me know I dislike philosophy. I know what I believe. You know what you believe. Let's not waste time talking about it all deep and sage-like. But no. That's what this whole class is. And to make it worse, my professor is basically a more manly, coked-up version of Professor Quirrel--twitches, stammering, the whole nine. Minus the turban. But he may or may not have Voldemort growing out of his head--he never turned around so I didn't get a good look. But anyway, IMPOSSIBLE to take notes from. Entertaining in that the whole class was whispering about "how high this dude is," but as far as learning anything, forget it. It's not gonna happen.

My other class, Classroom Management, get this: meets THREE TIMES this semester. Today was the first. We meet again at midterm and again during finals week. There's no book, no curriculum--we basically write ten reports on an article that has to do with substitute teaching and classroom management, and hand in five for the midterm and the last five for the final. WTAF. I mean, I'm not complaining because it's gonna be a REALLY easy A. But WHAT AM I GOING TO DO TO LEARN ANYTHING ABOUT TEACHING. For supposedly teaching future teachers, they're doing an EFFING LOUSY JOB.

So I basically go to school one day a week for 4 hours to listen to Professor Quirrel spit out ethical information in between hours of stutters. I don't even get a troll to vanquish. Or a Snape.

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Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Harry Potter according to...

(Regrettably, I take ZERO credit for this. I stumbled upon it and wanted to re-blog, so courtesy of this Tumblr, this is the Harry Potter books according to different characters. RIOTOUSLY funny.)

Harry Potter According To:

Sirius Black

1. Sirius Black and the prison fun.
2. Sirius Black and the prison fun.
3. Sirius Black and the reunited with my werewolf boyfriend.
4. Sirius Black and the playtime fun with my werewolf boyfriend.
5. Sirius Black and the who is this girl hitting on my werewolf boyfriend I should. kill her but I die have fun with my werewolf boyfriend you bitch.
6. Sirius Black and the I am dead.

Neville Longbottom

1. Neville and Being Badass.
2. Neville and Being Badass.
3. Neville and Being Badass.
4. Neville and Being Badass.
5. Neville and Being Badass.
6. Neville and Being Badass
7. Neville and Being EXTREMELY Badass.


1. Filch and the Year Hogwarts Started to go to Hell.
3. Filch and Nothing Significant.
4. Filch and I Hate Cleaning Up After Other Schools.
5. Filch and I Love Umbridge.
6. Filch and Umbridge Isn’t Here Anymore.
7. Filch and Half the Castle’s Destroyed, I Might As Well Quit.

Severus Snape

1. Severus Snape and the year I had to keep that little kid from getting killed by Quirrel .
2. Severus Snape and the year I had to keep that little kid from getting killed by a book.
3. Severus Snape and the year I had to keep that little kid from getting killed by a f*cking dog.
4. Severus Snape and the year I had to keep that little kid from getting killed by the former rat.
5. Severus Snape and the year I had to keep that little kid from getting killed by Umbridge.
6. Severus Snape and the year I had to keep that little kid from getting killed by the other death eaters.
7. Severus Snape and the year I died trying to keep that little kid safe.


1. Hedwig and F*ck Yes Harry Potter Owns Me.
2. Hedwig and I’m a F*cking Owl.
3. Hedwig and I’m Still an Owl.
4. Hedwig and HERMIONE’S NOT AN OWL.
5. Hedwig and Life Is Pretty Great As An Owl.
6. Hedwig and That Pigwidgeon Is Really Starting To Annoy The Piss Out Of Me.
7. Hedwig and SH*T SH*T C*CKSUCKER I’M DEAD.

Ron Weasley

1. Ron Weasley and the F*cking Three Headed Dog.
2. Ron Weasley and the Possessed Sister.
3. Ron Weasley and the Rat That Isn’t A Rat.
4. Ron Weasley and the Green Monster of Jealousy.
5. Ron Weasley and the Year of Quidditch.
6. Ron Weasley and the Girl Drama.
7. Ron Weasley and the Wooing of Hermione Granger.

Hermione Granger

1. Hermione Granger and the Levi-OH-sa.
2. Hermione Granger and the turning into a cat then getting petrified.
3. Hermione Granger and the art of overachieving.
4. Hermione Granger and the fact that boys suddenly love her.
5. Hermione Granger and bickering with Ron.
6. Hermione Granger and the Bitch named Lavender Brown.
7. Hermione Granger and the reluctant falling for Ron Weasley.

Cedric Diggory

1. Cedric and That Time He Found Something.
2. Cedric and That Time He Found Something.
3. Cedric and That Time He Found Something.
4. Cedric and That Time He Died.


1. Dumbledore and the Oh Sh*t He’s at Hogwarts Now.
2. Dumbledore and the Oh Sh*t Tom Riddle’s at it Again.
3. Dumbledore and the I Am Totally Allowing Two Teenagers To Save A Convicted Murderer Even Though I Don’t Know For Sure He’s Innocent.
5. Dumbledore and the Harry’s Angsty, Time to Leave Him Alone.
6. Dumbledore and the I’ll Have Secret Lessons with Harry While I Wait for My Cursed Hand to Kill Me.
7. Dumbledore and the Wait, You Guys Aren’t Supposed to Know About My Past.


1. Lord Voldemort and that time I picked the wrong head to chill on.
2. Lord Voldemort and that time he killed my snake.
3. Lord Voldemort and the time I was not around.
4. Lord Voldemort and that time I killed some spare.
5. Lord Voldemort and the time I hung out in the Ministry.
6. Lord Voldemort and that time that I wasn’t there but Snape Killed Dumbledore.
7. Lord Voldemort and the time he and his friends kicked my ass.

Fred and George

1. Fred and George and the time we confused our Mum.
2. Fred and George and the time we flew a car.
3. Fred and George and the time we gave Harry the Marauder’s Map.
4. Fred and George and the time we got given 1,000 galleons.
5. Fred and George and the time we owned Umbridge.
6. Fred and George and the time we opened a joke shop.
7. Fred and George and the time one of us lost an ear and the other died.

Lucius Malfoy

1. Lucius Malfoy and the Things He Heard About.
2. Lucius Malfoy and the Things He Heard About.
3. Lucius Malfoy and the Things He Heard About.
4. Lucius Malfoy and the Things He Heard About.
5. Lucius Malfoy and the Things He Heard About.
6. Lucius Malfoy and the Things He Heard About.
7. Lucius Malfoy and the Things He Heard About.


1. Harry Potter and the year I became addicted.
2. Harry Potter and the year I discover wizard classism.
3. Harry Potter and the year I fell in love with his parents & their friends.
4. Harry Potter and the year Voldemort came back.
5. Harry Potter and the year I realize the ministry blows.
6. Harry Potter and the year I discover why nobody could just f*cking kill Voldemort and be done with it.
7. Harry Potter and the year when sh*t got real.

Clever, right??

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Geek porn.

These pics give me palpitations. I especially love that last one. The rug, the pillows, organized by color, PUG?!? Be still, my beating heart!

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

I once read somewhere that Robert Smith had the 2nd most recognizable singing voice in Great Britain.

I agree with this sentiment.

So I'm shopping in Guess today and I hear this song on the radio, and I'm listening to the singer and I'm 105% sure that the guy singing is Robert Smith. Except it was like, this upbeat techno-esque music and I'm like, "Wtf, mate?" Also, how is it possible that a Robert Smith song exists that I've never heard? I was BAFFLED.

So I whip out my phone and Google the s**t out of it and find out yes, it is Robert Smith (+1 for me!). And I actually quite like the song.

I just wanted to share. :)

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Review some stuff (LIKE A BOSS!).

So I saw this today:

It was...incredible. It was such a good movie. Everything about it was really fantastic. It was touching without being sentimental, funny without being absurd and heartwarming/inspirational in all the best ways. There was really nothing in it. False. There is some spewing of Tourette's-like language. But it's one of the rare instances where the foul language actually SERVES a purpose. It's not just thrown in there haphazardly because of the writers' lack of creativity. One of the things I liked best about it is that it's true, and it had a wonderfully happy ending. Even though the film stops short of actually showing you, you know that Hitler was defeated and the King's daughter, Elizabeth, took the throne (and is still there). And oh my word. If Colin Firth doesn't nab an Oscar for this, I'm not sure what the Academy expects him to do next to top this. It was one of those really rare, truly moving performances where you feel the actor was MADE to play the role. Like Keira Knightley in "The Duchess" or Stephen Fry in "Wilde." If you're a fan of the British monarchy, historical films, Colin Firth/Geoffrey Rush/Helena Bonham Carter/that guy who played Peter Pettigrew, or all of the above, GO SEE IT. So underrated.

Also, I received a number of books for Christmas, which I'm not really sure how to categorize. Fiction, obviously. But it's like, fiction about fiction. Books people write based off other books, either sequels, prequels or off-shoots. One of these books was The Phantom of Pemberley based on, you guessed it, Pride and Prejudice.

I was super skeptical, because those who know me know P&P ties with Wuthering Heights as my favorite novel. Naturally, you shouldn't tamper with things that are already nigh perfect. So I went into this the way I go into all books of this sort: I tend to think of them as glorified fanfiction. Not that there is anything wrong with fanfiction. I think it's a really wonderful way for timid writers to come into their skins and get practice at writing before moving on to original material (it's also a nice diversion for "serious writers"--as if there is such a thing--to just write something fun and likely silly). Anyway, that's how I think of these books. Because that's what they are, really. Fanfic that someone decided was good enough to bind and publish.

And in keeping with that, the book lived up to my expectations. It is unapologetically silly. It's like Clue, but in Pemberley. Darcy and Elizabeth have been married for like, a year, and then they end up taking in a grand party of like 10 people in during a blizzard. Then people start dying and no one can escape because of the shite weather, so they're just heaping dead bodies in the attic. And Darcy's way of dealing with it? Bedding Elizabeth, naturally. It's just one of those kinds of books. It is so silly, but engaging and highly entertaining. Nothing deep here--the plot was predictable and the villain highly cliched, but I read it cover to cover in about two days just because it was FUN. So if you like P&P, go for it. It'd be hard to read if you're not familiar with the original, so I'd suggest having a base knowledge of Austen's original beforehand. Otherwise, if you're looking for something unbelievably goofy, fun and amusing, GO FOR IT.

I'm currently reading another out of the same heap, Mistress Shakespeare. I'm about halfway through and will review it, too. Since I know you guys won't do ANYTHING unless I say it's okay. ;)