Mansfield Park, aka: Why I Didn't Think It Was Possible to Hate an Austen Book But Was Wrong.

I just finished my unit on Mansfield Park.

I also committed the Cardinal Sin of English majors and students in general.

I watched the movie instead of finishing the book.

"Don't clap."
This is not a moment I am proud of.

But Jane Austen: COME ON!!! I got 32 chapters into this book and NOTHING. HAPPENED. Like, really. It's probably one of the most uneventful and BORING novels I've ever had to read! And here I thought Jane Austen was perfect. She was a Goddess amongst authoresses. She could do no wrong.

Oh, but she did. And it's called MANSFIELD FREAKING PARK.

Plot Summary: Little poor girl goes to live with her rich aunts, uncle and cousins. She gets made fun of. It sucks. She falls in love WITH HER COUSIN. They grow up. Gratuitous mention of slavery. Enter two bad guys from London. Havoc ensues in the form of "scandalous" plays and toying with emotions. More nonsense happens. Aforementioned cousin becomes a pastor. One really weird and nostalgic trip back home, one wrecked marriage and FORTY-EIGHT chapters later, Fanny Price gets to marry her cousin. And no one CARED.

The reason this books sucks, ultimately, is because Fanny Price is a failure of an Austen heroine. She's sickly, for one. She's all quiet and submissive and opinionless for another. Oh, and did I mention SHE FALLS FOR HER FIRST COUSIN???

INCEST, JANE AUSTEN??? REALLY???


Not to mention, my computer crashed when I was on the last question of my online quiz for this sorry excuse of a novel. Overall, the whole experience was quite unpleasant. I'd liken it to swallowing squids, only I've never actually done that. But this book just writhes and slithers down your throat, leaving you feeling thoroughly creeped out and wishing you'd done something else instead.



Up next: Emma. Here's hoping it's better. :)