The Passing of the Year

O Maiden! why that bitter tear?

     Is it for dear one you have lost?

Is it for fond illusion gone?

     For trusted lover proved untrue?

O sweet girl-face, so sad, so wan

     What hath the Old Year meant to you?

...

Some show a smile and some a frown;

     Some joy and hope, some pain and woe:

Enough! Oh, ring the curtain down!

     Old weary year! it's time to go.

-"The Passing of the Year," by Robert W. Service

Please don't laugh, but I'm completely depressed about turning 24 this weekend. 

When I was a little kid (roughly in 4th grade), it occurred to me that "24" was going to be an absolutely magical age. I was going to be "all grown up," with a house of my own, and a husband, and long beautiful hair. And I wanted a job (like my father's) to which I could carry a pink briefcase. This was the quintessential detail. But I remember thinking that yes, by 24 I was going to have it all very together. No kids yet (I had more sense than that, even as a child), but I wanted to be married, or close to it. 

And here I find myself on the edge of 24, and I have accomplished exactly none of that. Except that I could, I suppose, carry a pink briefcase to my job, but no one else carries a briefcase (and I'd prefer my purses anyway. Pink or otherwise). I don't have a house (or apartment) of my own. My hair's not long anymore (just cut it into a long bob), and the idea of getting married seems so small to me. It's like a pinprick of light in the dark. I can make it out, but it's so tiny it's barely noticeable. 

I can, however, drive, and that impresses my inner child very much. 

Please don't laugh and tell me I'm "so young" and that I "have so much time." I know I do. And I know I've accomplished a lot in my 24 years that many of my peers have not, and I am proud of those accomplishments. But the curse of the "old soul" is to always feel like time is running out, and to always be about 20 years ahead in your mind than you actually are in your body. 

My conclusion is that if I'm not going to severely disappoint 9 year old Mary, I need to get busy this year. *_~