Great White Snark: Veni veni Emmanuel.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Veni veni Emmanuel.

Everyone gets so effing self-righteous during the holidays. But you wanna know who’s a real stand-up guy who kind of gets the shaft at Christmas?


Right. So this guy is engaged to Mary, and then BOOM one day she comes up to you and is like, “I’m pregnant.” And the thing is, it’s not even yours. So you’re like, “Omg, how could you do this to me?” and “WHO DID THIS TO YOU??” and “But I thought you loved me. :(” THEN, instead of wigging out and wanting 15 minutes of fame (the equivalent to vlogging about it) by telling the authorities that she’s unmarried and pregnant and broke the agreement of your engagement and then HAVE HER STONED PUBLICALLY TO HUMILIATE HER, you’re like, “Nope. Totally not her fault. I don’t even care who did it, I still think you’re awesome. So we’ll break up quietly and maybe no one will notice.” Can you IMAGINE what his friends did? I mean, they had to know. And they had to know that Joseph WASN’T the father. Can you imagine the teasing that went on?? It would’ve been awful. But through all of that, Joseph took the high road and was a decent human being. Which I guess is good, since he ended up playing surrogate daddy to, y’know, JESUS.

THEN, as if all that isn’t bad enough (though his good behavior is rewarded when the Angel comes to him in a dream and lets him know that it’s okay, there was no other guy, it’s the Holy Spirit and you should marry her anyway. And oh yeah, you’re son’s Emmanuel, no biggie), he goes through a lot more. They had to travel from Nazareth to Bethlehem. Today, it takes like 2 and a half hours by car. Back then, it took like, ten days. And she was VERY pregnant at that point. And it included crossing the Jordan. Pregnant. And there may or may not have been camels or donkeys involved. Also, as if this wasn’t all exciting enough already, King Herod wanted all the baby boys killed. No presh, right?

But he did it. He got Mary safely (no early labor, THANK GOD. The baby Jesus being born in the Jordan on a raft just isn’t the same) to Bethlehem, and all that. And you know what SUCKS? They make this epic journey. She’s about ready to POP with child, and all the inn keepers are like, “Go away.” If I was Joseph, I would’ve had a melt-down of Biblical proportions. It literally would’ve been like, “And Joseph, in the wrath of the LORD, smote down the inn keeper and plundered his stables, and lit the inn on fire before departing from that place.” But he didn’t. He kept his mouth shut and did the best he could do for his wife and unborn Messianic child, and was content to make them as comfortable as possible in a STABLE.

This guy is a silent Biblical BA. And probably the most underrated person in the whole Christmas story. So unless you’ve done all this in the last ten days, stop going on about all your good deeds and quit complaining about how stressed YOU are in the week leading up to Christmas.

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