Great White Snark: “I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being skin deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?”

Sunday, May 2, 2010

“I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being skin deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?”

Product Review: Lipstick and Perfume
One of my all-time favorite uses for the interwebs is looking up reviews on products I'm thinking of buying. To me, this little step goes a long way. ESPECIALLY for cosmetics, many of which you can't return once you've opened them (really, can you blame them for putting that rule into effect? I wouldn't want to buy a lipstick knowing there was a chance that someone out there already had it, used it, maybe licked it or put it on their dog, I don't know, and then gave it back and re-sold it). So I go and read reviews (best sites for beauty product reviews: MakeupAlley, and Amazon).

Just in case any of you care, I decided to review a few products that I've been using lately. They're all makeup and perfume, so I think it's, unfortunately, less relevant to my guy readers. I'm sorry. That's just the nature of the beastie.

MAC Viva Glam Lipstick in Gaga

This isn't a post about my feelings on Lady Gaga, which are mixed, btw. However, I was browsing the Mac site and saw that she and Cyndi Lauper had collaborated with Mac to create shades for the Viva Glam campaign, which donates 100% of proceeds to AIDS funding and research. I think that's awesome, so I took a look through the shades available. I've been looking for a really good pink lipstick forever, because you'd be surprised how hard it is to find! I saw Gaga and was like, "OOOOH, PRETTY." So I ordered it. It's a little pricier than I normally prefer, but I didn't mind because again, all the money goes to AIDS research (plus, it's Mac, and they're supposed to be the best. I don't mind shelling out for a quality item every once in a while). I think it's fantastic that Mac does that, and this shade is awesome! It looks really good on, and I'm nearly certain it's universally flattering. For comparison, it's a little pinker (less blue-tinted) than Mac's Saint Germain. Also, St. Germain tends to look almost too pink, a little too chalky, for me. But Gaga looks pale pink without being corpsey. It's pink like cupcakes and princesses and unicorns. Like all Mac lipsticks it has that vanilla flavor (YUM). The consistency is nice, too. It doesn't crease or settle into the little lines in your lips. The finish is a lustre, so it's not super shiny but not matte either--a nice blend of the two. It's lasting power is so-so. I mean, it's a lipstick. They never last forever. But it's better than most. I like this color best when I layer a gloss over it. Overall, it's worth every cent and if you're looking for a high-quality perfect pink, I suggest you try it. Go to a Mac counter to give it a shot first if you're uncertain, but I'm pretty sure that it's universally lovable.

$14.00, available from MAC Cosmetics.

New York Color Liquid Lip Shine Lip Gloss in Iced Orchid

On the other end of the price spectrum is New York Color, but don't let the cheapness fool you into thinking the products suck. Some of the best stuff I've ever used has come from them! Including this lipgloss. The color I have it in is called "Iced Orchid," which if you look at the swatch online looks like some crazy muppet purple. It's not, I swear. It's pink. What I love about the color is that you can layer it. If you do one coat, it's a bright but subtle pink. Layer on more and you can potentially get to crazy Barbie-esque levels of hot pink and fuschia. I LOVE the versatility. Lasting power is average (lipglosses don't last at all, guys. We all know that); what I like is that at least on me, it stains my lips a little. So even if it all goes away, there's a little residual color to keep me from looking like the dead. Best part of all: IT TASTES LIKE ICING! Yumm. Pretty color, worth getting.

$1.99 in drugstores, $4.55 for three from Amazon.

Viva La Juicy Perfume by Juicy Couture

I have the HARDEST time with perfume. I swear, my body chemistry is made of FAIL. What smells delightful in the bottle and on other people will inevitably smell like poo on me. Examples include: Tommy Girl, Clinique Happy, Daisy by Marc Jacobs, and just about every celeb perfume known to mankind. So when I tried Viva La Juicy I had very low expectations. That, and Juicy Couture isn't really my scene. They have some nice things, but I think there's a connotation that goes with the brand (velour trackpants with JUICY smattered across the ass, anyone? Anyone?). Anyway, I gave it a shot because I was looking for something fun, flirty and feminine for summer. This is PERFECT for all of that. It's a really pleasant citrus-floral. Opening/top notes are mandarin orange and black currant; middle notes are florals, namely gardenia and jasmine; base notes are vanilla, sandalwood and some sugary ones, but it's not overpoweringly sweet. For some reason, I do best with scents that have jasmine and musky basenotes like vanilla and sandalwood. No idea why, but those are the few scents that seem to actually work for me. Anyhow, if you're looking for a really girly and feminine scent (without smelling like a kinderwhore who got drowned in a heap of glitter and chocolate sprinkles), give it a shot. Per usual with perfume, PLEASE try it out before you buy it. Let it sit for AT LEAST 15 minutes. An hour or so is preferable, just so you can see how it wears and how the different levels of fragrane react with your body. Everyone's body chemistry is different, so you really need to try things like perfume (my fav: everything that smells AMAZING on my mother will inevitably smell like crap on me, and vice-versa).

I got a .5 oz. bottle at Target for $23, just to see if I'd end up liking it (besides, perfume lasts FOREVER. Half an ounce is enough for probably the rest of the year). Available from $25 at Kohls.

Pixi Lip Blush in Purity.

So I've been on a search basically my entire life for the Holy Grail a lip stain that works. Wouldn't it be FANTASTIC to apply color ONCE in the morning, eat, kiss, laugh and rub your face on the pavement ALL DAY, and have it last through all of it?? Until you shower at night?? My thoughts exactly. So I read a bunch about Pixi's new lip stain, and saw that everyone thought it was the best thing since Slippery When Wet.
I shelled out $18 for this lousy piece of crap. I put it on, ate lunch CAREFULLY, and checked in the mirror. Gone. Gone faster than Tiger Woods at an Abstinence Meeting. Luckily, I was able to persuade the woman to let me return it. THANKFULLY. I would've been royally pissed if I had lost $18 for this.

$18 from Target, but don't flipping bother.

Sexy Motherpucker Lip Plumping Lip Gloss by Soap and Glory

I won't lie. I bought this because of the name. SEXY MOTHERPUCKER. How clever is that?! (Apparently a group of moms or conservatives or something got all up in arms about it. Really, you guys? REALLY??) I love Soap & Glory. Whoever is in their naming department, I want to be best friends with. So I bought it because of the name. That and it was on clearance for $4. I LOVE IT! I bought it in Plum thinking the color would be nice and deep. It wasn't, at all. It's pretty much clear. I love wearing it over other colors though (esp Viva Glam Gaga. See what I did there??). Some reviewers complained about it being really sticky. I didn't think so. I just don't apply copious amounts of it, so I think it's fine. As for plumping, meh, but YOU GUYS. It feels AWESOME. It's not like Lip Venom or the Victoria's Secret lip plumpers that like, HURT your lips. This doesn't hurt at all. The best I can think of is that it tingles, like your lips fell asleep. Y'know how it is when your foot falls asleep?? Like that, only on your mouth. Which sounds weird but feels AWESOME. Also, it tastes like chocolate which I thought sounded gross at first, but it really isn't. If you can get it on clearance, try it out. Otherwise, it's not worth the $10 Target is charging for it.

$9.99, available at Target and Amazon.

Soap & Glory Glam-A-Lot Fragrance Body Spray

I told you I loved Soap & Glory. I like the smell of their products (The Righteous Butter , Scrub of Your Life , Easy Glistening, etc.), and NOW they've bottled it in a spray! YAY!!! It smells super. I can't even describe. Per the bottle:
Super sexy, warm, rich, racy and veritably voluptuous with Fresh Flowers layered on a Woody, Vanilla Musk base.

See, I told you these smells work best for me! Anyway, it smells super. Got it on sale at Target for $5. It's 8.4 oz which means I'll have it forever.

Available for €6 from Boots or $12 from Target.

Whew! That's all for now. I'm planning upcoming Product Reviews on mascara (the bane of our existences when it comes to drugstore shopping) and hair products, so if you have any requests or input let me know! Thanks, as always for reading. All two of you. ;)

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